Strawberry Pandemonium!
by cartoonpsycho888999
Summary: Four new transfer students turns Astrea Hill upside down. Multiple Cameos from multiple shows. Kannazuki No Miko x Elfenlied x Strawberry Panic x many others crossover
1. Chapter 1

Strawberry Panic Fan Fiction

Elfen Lied, Strawberry Panic, and Kannazuki No Miko Crossover

Hello, I'm _back, _fuckers.Mwahahahahahaha. I broke my right hand for about two months and didn't update for quite a long time. I just got a steel plate implanted into the bone, and I _think _it's retained most of it's original movement. Believe me, typing with one hand is a _fucking pain in the ass,_ and I got one page in about two long and drawn out hours. So...I'm trying my hand( pardon the pun) at crazy comedy/crossovers again, since I've currently run out of ideas for...ahem...lemons that don't cross the boundaries of...erm _decency._ And so...it snowed... _fapfapfapfapfap._

Chapter One: Pandemonium In Da House

Chikaru gazed up at the azure sky with her several month old girlfriend Tamao. There were several seagulls flying overhead threatening to take a load off on one of the two girls.

Tamao snuggled closer to Chikaru and lay her head on her shoulders.

'Chikaru chan?'

'Yes?'

'You smell good.'

Chikaru gave a impish smile, ' What _do _I smell like, exactly? Body odour?'

'Have you been hanging around the greenhouse lately?'

'No, I believe I just smell like that _naturally.' _Chikaru leaned in closer to Tamao.

'You also know what I _taste like _too, _don't _you?'

Tamao turned a bright red and hammered her fists on Chikaru's shoulders.

'That's _not _funny!! We're in _public, _you know!'

Chikaru smirked and tapped her pointer finger on Tamao's nose.

' Still the same sensitive Tamao chan. Learn to be more sexually free, you know?'

'SHADDUP!!! That's not funny!' Tamao made a mock pouting face.

A creepy sounding humming sound came from the back of the bench. It sounded rather like a little girl trying to hum a tune she couldn't really put her finger on.

Tamao froze.

'Chikaru, did...you hear that?'

Chikaru immediately stopped the ruckus and turned her ears over to the rustling bushes behind them. Suddenly, a blur of movement shot up from the bushes, causing Tamao to give out a puppyish yelp and Chikaru to do a funny little bounce on the bench.

'Oshibaru wants to talk to you.'

Chikaru stared wide eyed at Kagome for a second and then patted her chest with a relieved sigh.

'You almost gave us a heart attack there, Kagome, how many times do I have to tell you _not _to skulk around the school like that!?'

Tamao was surprised she didn't pee herself in the process. She regained her composure and snapped, 'Just _when _will you _stop _playing with the creepy bear!?'

A murderous glint flashed in Kagome's eyes, ' You must _never, never_ talk about the CULT OV OSHIBARU in such a way. He punishes all the infidels with fiery brimstone and eternal damnation.'

Chikaru goggled at Kagome for a moment, then decided to brush the matter off. Kagome seemed quite adamant about starting the new CULT OV OSHIBARU club in the past few months.

'_Speaking of that...where have all the classroom animals gone? They all vanished, leaving behind a small pool of blood...'_

Chikaru shook her head and decided to discuss that with Amane another day. Hikari couldn't handle blood, not even pixilated ones in the Duke Nukem games that Yaya sometimes carried around.

'So, what's up? Hows the...erm...cult going?'

Kagome immediately brightened up, the possessed murderous glint gone from her eyes

'There are _so many new members_ joining! Oshibaru doesn't really let them take part in the sacrifices though...those are only for the _elders._'

Tamao felt a lump go down her throat as the nasty revelation of the lab animals' fate crossed her mind. She decided to pipe in, 'Anything new in the school? You know how Remon likes to stick her nose into things...'

Kagome suddenly perked up as if some great thought seeped into her mind, ' Oh! Oshibaru says that there will be FOUR new transfer students coming in! Apparently, they are divided into twos among Spica and Lulim. Oshibaru says it serves Miator right. Miator will burn in hell someday for the crimes against Lulim..._' _Kagome trailed off as her mind wandered into space.

'Erm...Kagome? Are you okay?' Chikaru waved her hand in front of Kagome's face.

Kagome immediately snapped out of her trance, 'Oh! Yes! Oshibaru says two of them have the same coloured hair as Tsubomi chan...' Kagome looked at her Hello Kitty watch.

'_Ooops!_ Oshibaru says its time for another offering! We must make it in blood this time! See ya!'

Kagome disappeared into the bushes, silently sprinting away like only a ninja could.

Chikaru gave Tamao a '_I don't know what to do with her'_ look as she sighed and plopped back down on the bench.

' I'm going to have to tell Amane to _stop _restocking the animals. I think I know who's the culprit now...'

'Chikaru chan?'

'Hmmmm?'

'Do you think that Kagome's a little...well...going a little too far with this teddy bear thing? I think she needs a psychologist or something...'

Chikaru adjusted the ribbons in her hair with a certain annoyance, 'That girl's going off her rocker. I'm going to have to intervene _sometime_ these days...' A sudden mischievous smirk crossed Chikaru's face. '_Teasing time again. Hehehe...'_

'So, Tamao dear? Do you think any of the new transfer students will have a sexier body than you? there's always bigger boobs in the world-

Tamao hammered Chikaru's shoulders again, 'stopitstopitstopit!!!!!'

'You're so cute when you're mad. Your face scrunches up quite delightfully.' Chikaru leaned in and locked lips with Tamao briefly before walking off together hand in hand to meet the new students...

A crowd of squealing students crowded around the new transfers, blocking all possible views of their identities. Yaya muttered, '_fuck off...sheesh..._are they really_ that _interesting?'

Cries of ' KAWAII!!!!' and 'Oh my God, cat ears!' and ' So pretty!' and most of all ' The blonde one has big boobs!' Resounded across the room as Tamao and Chikaru attempted to make their way through the crowd.

A loud screech pierced the room as Amane tapped the microphone. Flanking her was Hikari, who cowered in quite an exaggerated fashion when the supersonic screech sounded.

'Testing. Testing. Good.'

Amane cleared her throat and spoke into the mike. The makeshift podium borrowed from the gymnasium was a good measure. She would have gotten trampled in the sea of fawning girls there...

'Alright! Give the new students some breathing room! They don't like to be squeezed into oblivion on their first day, you know?'

The crowd split in half as the four students were revealed.

Chikaru raised an eyebrow as she surveyed the first two girls on the right. Both of them had pink hair, and were really beautiful, but each of them was marred by a particular expression that stayed on both their faces. The shorter one had her mouth dropped open like a retard, as if seeing the world for the first time. Her eyes were locked onto..._nothing _in particular. Just a stupified wonder that made Chikaru ponder her sanity.

The taller one had a perpetual arrogant and pissed off '_screw off'_ look plastered on her face, along with eyes that seemed to wander around the room looking for a next murder victim.

Both of them had cat ears. Tamao frowned in unison with Chikaru. Was it a fashion statement? There were no such thing as cat girls in the real world...

The two on the left were obviously a couple, judging from the way the blonde held onto the girl with almost blackened blue hair. They too were worthy fodder of most of the girls in the school. Chikaru wouldn't be surprised if their dorms were jammed full of confession notes on their first day...

'The two girls on the right are transfers from a school in...err...a region east of here. The girl over there is called Lucy, she will be working as a teacher's assistant for the remnant of the year. She's currently taking a course in teacher's college. I hope you'll all give her your full respect.'

A polite scatter of applause and titillated murmurs dispersed among the crowd.

'The other girl is called Nana. She's a third year, so please try to help her find the ropes around here. The other two girls are called Chikane and Himiko. Both of them are fourth years, and they will be both transferred to Spica.'

Amane cleared her throat once again when she sensed that the ooos and ahhhhs in the crowd were getting out of hand.

' Please support them if they need any help, and I hope that you four will have a splendid time in Astrea Hill!'

Another round of applause filled the room as the crowd closed in once again to fawn over the new flesh. Amane rolled her eyes as she tried to figure out a way to get off the podium without turning it into a moshpit.

'Chikaru chan, I think the girl named Lucy is going to be _your _assistant teacher in biology.'

Chikaru put her hands on her hips, 'I don't know...I think that girl should brighten up a bit. Maybe I'll just introduce her to a few clubs. Maybe she's just nervous about her first job as a teacher...'

'I don't think teachers can join clubs, Chikaru chan.'

'Don't be such a spoilsport, Tamao dear. She'll definitely dig the transformation club!'

'I don't know...I think that there's something wrong with that girl...she just...looks so _murderous.'_

'Don't worry. Teachers aren't allowed to kill students. Maybe she'll just feel you up because you're so hot.'

Tamao gave an exasperated groan and pouted as she punched Chikaru lightly in the arm.

'Not _funny.'_

Tamao suddenly felt _something _creep up her panties as she said this. It felt like...like HANDS!?

Tamao gave a little shriek and jumped back.

None of the girls surrounding her were in range to do this.

Tamao could have _sworn_ she saw the pink haired girl smirk and wink at her.

'Chikaru chan...I think something just _touched _me...'

'Don't be silly dear, you're just skittish from last night.'

'Don't joke around! I saw that pink haired girl with the murderous look on her face _wink_ at me!'

'_Really?'_ Chikaru glanced over at Lucy, who was innocently flicking a whining and protesting Nana's forehead.

'_This is certainly going to be interesting...I'll most likely have her next period...'_ Mused Chikaru as Lucy started engaging in a conversation with one of the first years.

Chikane sighed a deep breath of relief as the crowd left for dinner. They would be shown to their dorms later in the evening. She was a little afraid that Himiko would be crushed against her due to the immense entity that was the crowd.

She and Himiko both pulled out the latest manga release of Excel Saga. Himiko had taken quite an interest lately to the series and inevitably pulled her along...

Lucy continued to feel up various unsuspecting students with her vectors, pleased at the chaos and confusion she was causing. Some of the girls were already cat fighting over accusations of who touched who. While Nana was busy stuffing herself in the dining hall, Lucy would have to make a call to Kouta...she forgot to bring her DVD player and her Guro movies and the Evil Dead trilogy...


	2. Chapter 2

Strawberry Pandemonium Part 2

A MAN in the school. ZOMG

Lucy checked her watch. Kouta should be here any minute now, puffing along in his old Mercedes. She sighed and shook her head, '_ Why does Kouta always have a penchant for penny pinching...'_ She would pay him back later for the gas that he wasted driving her. She had heard the salary at the Strawberry Dorms were not too shabby.

'_Not to mention the legendary lesbian count here...the girls here are certainly quite feral...'_

She then remembered how she took advantage of the crowd to grope a few girls and mentally chided herself for being hypocritical.

'Oshibaru wants to talk to you.'

Lucy gave a little yelp and almost tore Kagome apart with her vectors. Call it a nasty habit she retained from her years as a reclusive killer.

Lucy put on a fake smile and tried her best to hide her annoyance at the little girl's sudden appearance.

'Well...Hi! What's your name?'

'We have no name now. We are as one and one entity.'

Lucy lowered her eyes down to the creepy looking teddy bear the little girl clutched in her arms.

'_Strange...I could almost swear there's blood stains on the fur...'_

'We are Oshibaru. Call us _Master _Oshibaru if you please.'

It suddenly struck Lucy that the girl was quite off her rocker. She would have to refer her to a psychologist sometime...

'Erm. Okay! _Master _Oshibaru, what would you like to say to me?'

'We would like to inquire what those cat ears are doing on your head.'

Lucy suddenly stiffened, '_Excuse _me?'

'We _know _you have magical powers, and that you plan on destroying the CULT OV OSHIBARU. We shall not allow you to commit such travesties.' The little girl's eyes took on a psychotic gleam as she said this. The bear seemed to be boring into Lucy's eyes as well.

Indignant at her horns being mistaken for cat ears _again, _Lucy said firmly, '_First of all,_ if you read my records, these are _horns._ And I'm a _Diclonius._ A mutant human. I _have _no magical powers, and I think you're too old to be talking to teddy bears.'

Lucy immediately regretted this as Kagome slipped out a Desert Eagle from her dress.

'W-w-what the-_ Little girls _shouldn't be carrying dangerous things like th-

Kagome fired a shot directly at Lucy's head ,fortunately blocked by her quick vectors.

Kagome pouted petulantly, '_See? _We _told _you you had magical powers. Next time you say such filth about us, we shall sacrifice you at the ALTAR OF OSHIBARU BEYOND THE GATES OV STARS.'

Before Lucy had time to say anything, Kagome sprinted off like a ninja again, tripping over herself when she smashed right into a strolling Kaname's stomach.

Glowering at the strange girl, Kaname walked hand in hand with Momomi over to Lucy, who was still quite dumbfounded over the incident that just occured.

'Does...that little girl...have mental problems...?' Lucy asked the smirking couple.

'Yes, but you needn't worry yourself about _her._ It's _us _you have to worry about.' Kaname leaned closer to Lucy, enough that Lucy could smell Kaname's mint tinged breath.

Momomi put her arms across her chest as Kaname wrapped her arms around Lucy.

'_Don't use the vectors. Don't use the vectors. Don't use the vectors...'_ Lucy repeated the mantra to herself as she feebly tried to ward off Kaname, 'I'm a _teacher! _This is _inappropriate!_ I'll call the school council...'

'_Calling _the school council won't do you any good, Lucy dear. They have the same..._tastes _as us.'

Lucy gave out a little squeak of disgust and surprise when she felt Kaname grab her breasts.

'My, my. You're quite the melon. Are these _real?'_

'St-st-stop that...I'm warning you...'

'Don't worry. We'll just check you out in the bushes over there...no biggie.'

'_Oh shit.'_ Lucy felt her vectors twitching and hovering over Kaname's neck. Lucy spotted a large pot of flowers near the gates. An idea crossed her mind.

To her horror, the dark haired bully was guiding her fingers down into Lucy's _skirt. _The time was now. Summoning all control of her vectors, Lucy lightly grabbed Kaname by the waist with her vectors, ( Any harder and her intestines would have spilled on the floor.) And threw heaved her headfirst towards the flowerpot.

Kaname gave a very uncharacteristic girl squeal as she flew through the air, the symphony of noise accompanied beautifully by Momomi's even higher pitched shrieking.

With a muffled _thunk,_ She landed headfirst into the soft petunias and grade A soil, looking quite ridiculous as her legs flailed in the air while she swallowed copious amounts of Home Depot mixed soil.

Before Momomi had a chance to exact her revenge, a battered old Mercedes chugged to the front of the school. _'Finally! Kouta's here!'_ Lucy skipped forward and greeted a very disgruntled Kouta struggling to climb out of his car.

'Hey Lucy! I got your stuff.' With a very manly and possibly intentional grunt, he heaved out a brown travel back stuffed full with Lucy's worldly items.

'Thanks Kouta! I'll pay you back when I get off on summer break!'

'No need. You _are _a resident of Kaede Inn anyways, and besides...aren't we kind of...' Good old Kouta's face turned a slight shade of red as he struggled to finish the sentence.

'A couple?' Lucy chimed in.

'Yeah...well...not counting the times...you know...'

'I got involved with Nana? Don't worry. It's not anything serious. I need _somebody_ to keep me occupied while I'm here, you know?'

Kouta looked a little uncomfortable with this as he said, 'Well, whatever keeps you happy. Just don't tease the poor girl _too_ much, eh?'

'YOU'RE A MAN!!!!' Lucy almost jumped out of her skin when Momomi spouted out the phrase.

'Yeah...so what?' Lucy looked at Momomi like she was retarded.

'There hasn't been a man here...since...since Sister Hanazono was a _third grader. _You.'

She pointed a finger at Kouta, ' Are you _straight _with our dear Lucy here? You _know _we don't take kindly to _converters.'_

Kouta babbled something in the turmoil but couldn't find his tongue.

'We _don't _like straights trying to seduce us here. It doesn't _work _that way. _You _will be seeing the student council with me.'

'_Wait _a second! He was just delivering my stuff to me! He didn't-

A dirt caked Kaname with earthworms up her nose and a slightly crooked neck joined in.

' Thif callth for dethperath meathurths.' She sputtered as her spat out a root that was caught in her gums.

'That's right. The student _council_ will see to this.'

The Evil Lesbian Duo ( Trademark) dragged a kicking and protesting Kouta to his doom as Lucy stood on the spot , quite dumbfounded at the strangeness of the residents of the dorms. '_Geez. Talk about paranoid...I'll have to sort this out myself...'_ Lucy sighed as she picked up her incredibly heavy bag of her macabre belongings and media. '_In the meantime, I'll have to get to class soon._ _I'll save Kouta later. It's not like they'll kill him or anything...'_ Turning back

wistfully and casting one last worried glance at the two specks dragging a third kicking and screaming speck, Lucy hopped into the Mercedes and drove it to a appropriate parking spot.

Poor Kouta was stuck in the student council room, shifting uncomfortably and darting his eyes from side to side. The evil pair had apparently made up a story about him being an 'anti-homosexual' intent on converting girls in the school over to heterosexuality.

Shizuma sauntered in, flanked by the student council presidents.

'Well, well...it's been some time since a..._male _has been in this school.' Shizuma said the word _male _with a certain distaste.

She sat down at the table and clasped her hands together.

'Kaname and Momomi have been telling me some _very _disturbing things about you. They say that you are here to...' Shizuma looked at the report and grimaced.

'_Score with chicks.'_ she said.

Kouta could only manage a gurgle in his throat. Dealing with pretty woman was never his strong suit. Especially if there were over five in the room looking like they wanted to strangle him.

Unclogging his throat of some phlegm, Kouta mumbled, '_It's a lie..._I...I was here to bring LUCY HER STUFF!!!!'

Kouta didn't mean for the last bit to come out so loudly. No wonder Yuka called him a spastic loser.

Shizuma sighed and looked over at Kaname and Momomi, who were waiting in great anticipation for Kouta's torture.

'Don't tell me you two are making up your lies again. You _know _how sensitive this school is to the opposite sex. I won't have you trying to make sport of _everybody _that comes into our front gates. _Including men.'_

Kaname, who had a neck brace strapped to her crooked head, smirked and produced a pink panty from her pocket.

Chikaru could almost hear a very audible croak from Kouta as he turned grey.

'Th-th-thats-

'That's right. We found this in the backseat of your _car._ And several...shall we say...HENTAI magazines along with it?'

Kouta's stomach gave a lurch as he remembered that a friend at school lent him the skin magazines, and the fact the some of Lucy's change of clothes spilt out of the bursting bag.

'Those aren't mine.' Kouta said in a rather squeaky voice.

Shion cut in before Kouta could give another one of his quite audible croaking sounds.

'I think the best course of action now would be to place him in a temporary room and lock him there until we figure out just _what kind _of pervert he is.'

'You-you can't DO THAT!' Kouta spouted out, 'I have _rights,_ you know!'

Shizuma sighed and twirled the master key in her fingers for a bit, 'We can't have a pervert running around the school like this. If we let you go, who_ knows _what you do on the road to young and vulnerable hitchhikers? We'll investigate a little bit more and _then _we'll see if your sorry butt can be released.'

The lights suddenly flickered off, plunging the whole room into darkness. A spotlight flashed on, pointed directly above Kouta.

'Now, should we use the nipple clamps or the spanker...' Shion picked up a pair of mean looking pair of modified wired tongs. 'This should do for a start. Girls, hook up the lie detector.'

A very loud NOOOoooooo...was heard all the way from the greenhouses as the girls started their interrogation of poor Kouta

After the biology class Lucy taught with a bit of tentativeness, Tamao invited Lucy over to her room at midnight for one of their 'tea parties'. Lucy raised an eyebrow.

'Aren't you girls a little bit _old _for tea parties?'

Tsubomi looked a little offended, ' For your information, _our _tea parties are _very _mature and very..._ladylike._ Don't judge us before you- OW!!'

Yaya had her ears plugged with ear buds. She had her fingers in a 'horns up' sign and was pumping them around wildly with fervor when she accidently poked Tsubomi in the eye. The faint sounds of a death metal band was resonating through her _sound proof _ear buds, making Lucy wonder just _how much _noise the girl's ears could tolerate.

'Sorry.' Yaya said sheepishly as Tsubomi stared at her balefully through a blood shot eye.

As luck would have it, _Nana_ popped into the conversation, piping up, '_Whose _tea party? Am I invited?'

Tamao brightened up, 'Of _course! _The more the merrier! Just don't make too much noise. Sister Hamasaka is_ always _hounding our floor since we have quite a bad record with her.'

The five students were situated at the bottom of the stairway, constantly getting bumped and shoved around by the clamoring girls that were streaming down the stairs.

'Maybe this isn't such a good place to talk. Oh!' Tamao suddenly turned around and said in a hushed and excited voice, 'Did you hear there's a _man _in the school? I heard he's quite a pervert.'

'Really? I wouldn't really want to get groped by this creepy male...' Tsubomi shuddered as she envisioned a drooling old man groping her butt.

Lucy suddenly remembered _Kouta. _

_How _could she forget him? In the midst of her nervousness in teaching the class and chatting with her friends, she had completely forgotten about her hapless boyfriend, who was currently being subjected to clothes clamps being systematically snapped onto his nuts by a maniacal Momomi.

'Um...guys? I think I have to go sort _something _out. I can't go to your tea party tonight.'

Nana had a broad smile on her face as she said, ' I can go! I can go!'

Tamao smiled gently at Nana, ' Of _course _you can go. Lucy, what's the problem?'

Lucy struggled to think of a lie.

'Erm. Well...I have... a _friend _who's in trouble. In any case, I'll go to your tea party tomorrow, okay? Thanks for understanding!'

Lucy zoomed off to save Kouta from an immanent stress caused castration as Tamao narrowed her eyes at Lucy. She turned to Nana, 'Is...Lucy...you _know..._loyal to you?'

Nana's plastered smile didn't even fall down a notch as she said brightly, 'Kouta and I _share _her!'

Chikane held the dog eared demon by the scruff of his neck, wondering _where _the mongrel came from. She had found him lying unconscious in a pentagram etched in the club room, and had _tried _to revive him , but to no avail.

Himiko backed away from the unconscious demon as Chikane slapped him lightly.

'Chikane chan...what _is _that thing? He smells like...'

Chikane wrinkled her nose and said, 'I _know _he smells like dog shit. I think he crapped his pants when he got transported here.'

Chikane slapped the demon's head again, only to have him flop droopily to the side and drool.

In disgust, Chikane shook her hands and went back to Himiko, 'I don't know why these school benches are so uncomfortable to _sit _on.' She said nonchalantly as she stroked Himiko's hair. I'll call the infirmary, but we haven't...you know, in several _weeks _already. I think tonight's the night. First, I'll_ tickle you _with that duster in our room...'

Himiko giggled, '_Stop_ it, _Chikane _chan. The dog thing might hear us...'

'_Then _I'll SIT on your face...'

A loud _thump_ and a tinkling sound resounded throughout the empty club room, causing Himiko and Chikane to perform a perfectly synchronized shriek.

The dog thing sat up and rubbed his head, 'Kagome...how many times do I have to tell you-

He opened his yellowed eyes wide and stared at the two girls in the midst of groping each other.

Chikane started the screaming first, then Himiko followed suit, then the dog thing followed their example and started to scream in a rather falsetto voice.

'_Bar none,_ that was by far the _worst_ interrogation we've ever had. He peed his pants and fainted halfway through the clamps-

Chikaru and Shion stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the spectacle in the club room.

'Chikane and Himiko? What are you-

Shion groaned and slapped her forehead when she saw the dog eared young man with shaggy white hair shrieking his lungs out as a puddle of piss surrounded him.

'Does this school need _two_ perverts now? Sheesh...'

Chikaru saw that the thing had crapped his pants and giggled, to which the dog thing stopped screaming and said in a hoarse voice, ' What are you laughing at?

Chikaru's giggling turned into a full blown hysterical laughter that was soon joined in by Shion as she discovered the brown stains on his pants.

'What the-

The dog eared thing sniffed and smeared his fingers on his red, spacious pantaloons, holding his fingers in close for inspection. His eyes widened in horror as he saw what the girls were laughing at.

'SHUT UP!!!!' He screamed 'DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?'

Chikane, who was still a little bit shaken from the experience, muttered, ' A guy with a costume fetish?'

'NOOOOOO!!!!! I AM INU YASHA!! THE HOLDER OF THE TETSAIGA!!! FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, I WILL NOW PUNISH YOU!!!! WIND SCAR!!!!'

Inu Yasha thrust an empty hand forward, still convinced that the mighty sword was still in his grasp. '_What? _Nooooo...' Inu Yasha darted around the room and cartoonishly searched up and down the desks for his precious sword, ' WHERE DID YOU PUT IT, YOU WENCHES!?'

Shion raised an eyebrow incredulously, 'You had a _sword? _What are you, an otaku loser?'

'I'M NOT JOKING!!!!I'M A FUCKING DEMON!!!! I CAN RIP YOU TO SHREDS IN A MATTER OF-

Chikane delivered a swift kick to Inu Yasha's private regions, causing his face to balloon and turn blue. The crazed demon's eyes spun around like marbles, his mouth uttered a little, '_I'll kill you...'_ in a Minnie Mouse voice, and collapsed on the floor foaming from the mouth.

'Good job, Chikane. Sheesh. I don't know _what's _with the rash of _males lately.'_

Himiko was still shaking from the ordeal, 'Chikane chan...I'm scared...'

Chikane sighed affectionately as she put her arms around Himiko, 'Don't worry. I won't let this bastard hurt you. _Nobody_ touches you while I'm around.'

Shion grinned, '_That's_ the kind of spirit I like to hear! Chikane, help me drag this...Inu- something to a vacant dorm. We have _a lot _of questions to ask him.'

Chikane rolled her eyes, 'Shouldn't we call the police or something?'

Shion waved her hands in a dismissive gesture, 'Astrea Hill is so isolated that even _cops _get lost in the forest. Last time when Momomi almost died from alcohol over dosagethe cops took over _five hours _to navigate the hill. This is why we should always be _independent women.'_

Chikane put her hands up in a 'you win' gesture and proceeded to drag Inu Yasha's smelly body from the premises.

'Chikane chan?'

'Hmmm?'

'I think this school is kind of weird.'


	3. Chapter 3

Strawberry Pandemonium Part 3

It was a seemingly normal looking day at Astrea Hill, the clouds were fluffy, the wind blowing gently, and the sun shining down on the picturesque greenhouse that stood in the middle of the forest.

The light filtered softly through the slightly foggy window panes, casting an almost angelic light on a dirt caked Shizuma.

'I'll _KILL_ YOU!!' Shizuma screamed in a fit of rage as she chased the strange looking tadpole around the greenhouse, knocking over several pots of rare Azaleas in the process.

The blue tadpole merely squeaked out, '_Mudkip!'_ and bounded away in a zig zagging and seemingly mocking fashion.

The tadpole thing was digging into her rare flowers again, devouring the roots and subsequently massacring the flowers that Shizuma had tended to for so long.

Panting and seriously out of breath, Shizuma sat down on a step and muttered obscene curses against the Mudkip under her breath.

'_If only Nagisa were here to help me...'_ Shizuma thought, '_She's probably agile enough to catch that Mudkip...'_ Shizuma's mind suddenly wandered it's way over to the soft curves of Nagisa's slender legs, causing her to blush bright red.

'_What am I so embarrassed about? It's not like I didn't see her naked before...'_

Shizuma shook her head. The afternoon heat was obviously getting to her, and she could feel the damp soil on top of her head quickly hardening and caking.

'_I'd better get back to the school to check on that dolt Kouta...Kaname probably sent him in on false charges just so she could have the fun of torturing him.'_

Shizuma smiled, '_Still, it was quite fun putting on those electric ball clamps...'_

She winced slightly at her own sadism, and then decided that the afternoon sun and the Mudkip was getting to her.

Picking up her garden tools and padding out the door on a pair of seriously sore quadriceps, she vowed out aloud to the Mudkip, 'I'll flay you alive when I get you someday!! And don't you forget it!!'

With a huff, Shizuma made her way out of the greenhouse and started her way down the quaint little stone path that led to the school.

She almost had her front teeth knocked out when she collided with Miyuki, still focussed on how to exterminate the Mudkip with Raid.

'Owww...watch where you're going Shizuma...'Miyuki furtively ran her tongue over her teeth to check for any loose ones.

'Anyways, I was _just _going to the greenhouse to tell you about something strange that happened in one of the Lulim dorms.'

Shizuma rubbed her temple and groaned, '_Just what I need...'_

'Apparently, a dog eared _young man_ appeared in one of the classrooms, covered in...feces and ranting about his magical sword. I was wondering if you can help me untangle this puzzle?'

Shizuma looked up at the ceiling and tried to take in what Miyuki just said.

'A _dog eared _young man? Are you sure it wasn't just another washed up Otaku that tried too hard to find us?'

'Nope, the ears are real, and he _stinks._ Can you just come over and take a look?'

Shizuma gave another mental groan and followed Miyuki into the school.

Chikane and Himiko had just finished their classes, (family studies and psychology in a row.) And felt the innate urge to go check up on their newfound dog demon.

'Are you sure this is such a good idea, Chikane chan? I mean...what if he has _rabies?'_

Chikane gave a low chuckle and patted Himiko on the head.

'Sometimes you _really _amuse me. He's under anaesthesia, and I don't think he can do _anything _at the moment.'

Himiko gave a twitch of her mouth and followed Chikane to the infirmary, still wondering about what to do for a term paper about Freud and his accomplishments.

They found a frowning Shizuma and an emotionless Miyuki in the sterile looking room, analyzing the newfound visitor to the school.

Shizuma looked up at the transfer students, 'Aren't you supposed to be hurrying off to your next class? Tardiness isn't very _ladylike.'_

'We have lunch right now, and we're just wondering how our dog-eared friend is doing.' Chikane said cheerfully. Himiko shrunk back a bit and gripped Chikane's arm tighter, remembering how violently the creature reacted the last time they met.

Miyuki said as-a-matter-of-factly, 'I think the only thing we _should _do right now is call the police, even though those idiots might get lost in the forest again. We can't have a..._genetically modified _Otaku running around the school and causing mayhem.'

'Here, here.' Said Chikane, looking at the dog boy's twitching ears, 'I think it would be best if we put him in a..._straightjacket._ He tends to react quite violently when he's provoked.'

Miyuki felt a slight twinge of annoyance at the new girl's brash and bold attitude, '_Who does she think she is? The new Etoile?'_

She bit it back and smiled a little too widely, 'Yes...I think that's a very _bright _idea. Shizuma, what do _you _think?'

Shizuma was busy fiddling with a pen and lost in a trance of killing Mudkips again when she heard this. She quickly snapped out of it and sputtered a little too abruptly, ' Yup! Great idea! Never know who's gonna let the dogs out...get it?'

Himiko managed a small, forced giggle while Miyuki looked at Shizuma with a disgusted look, '_Honestly,_ don't you have any _better _jokes in your repetoire?'

'How about the one about the two lesbian frogs?'

'_No.'_

Shizuma shrugged and looked at her watch, 'I've got to do some paperwork regarding this _Kouta _boy's background, and then we can probably let him go. We've got an average of _fifty males _sneaking up the hill every year to peep on us. The _joys _of an all girl school.I think that Kaname's torture devices have successfully brought rates down, but I think she's getting a little drunk on her toys...' Shizuma departed with nary a farewell, muttering something about Raid as her three inch heels made clacking sounds down the tile hallway.

'Well Himiko, let's get back to lunch! I think they've got _spicy tuna rolls today!'_

Almost immediately, Himiko's eyes turned manic and wet, '_Really?_ I think I'm going to faint!'

'First one there gets the one with the most Roe!' Chikane sprinted off, with a squeakily protesting Himiko hot on her heels.

Miyuki shook her head, '_I swear, this school is going to pot. The founders would be rolling in their graves right now if they saw this...' _

She turned back to the hospital bed, expecting to see a flash of obnoxious red pantaloons, but found that the bed was _empty,_ with the sheets pulled off quite violently.

'This _can't _be possible...we gave him extra strength tranquillizers!' Miyuki's head spun around in a panic. The dog eared, allegedly _feces _throwing maniac had resistance to tranquillizers! Did that mean he was really...

'_He's either one of those super strong serial killer maniacs, or he's a demon...'_ Thought Miyuki, breaking into a cold sweat. She spun her head around frantically, looking for any signs of a quickly fleeing blob of red and white.

She felt a breeze caress her back.

The window was shattered, letting the wind throw around the curtains in a ghostly fashion. Miyuki felt a chill go up her spine, '_I'd better contact student council...set up a red alert at the school...'_

She ran to the Hello Kitty styled phone and dialled Chikaru's extension number.

A cold and empty silence responded to her call.

Frustrated, Miyuki slammed down the phone and tried _Shion's _number.

The maddening whispering silence seeped into her ears once again.

She tried several more calls, each one followed by a dead silence and seemingly punctuated by the flapping curtains in the background.

'_The thing chewed apart the phone lines...the thing CHEWED apart the phone lines...'_

Feeling like she was going to scream out her lungs in hysteria, Miyuki gritted her teeth and marched out of the infirmary, keeping a wary eye out for the maniac in red.

'_Alright! _You can have him back! Sheesh...no need to resort to violent methods.' Kaname whined as she shoved Kouta over to Lucy.

Lucy had given Kaname and Momomi ( who were the only ones lurking about in the staff room and tormenting Kouta.) A very brief but potent demonstration of the abilities her vectors possessed. When the devious duo refused to let him go followed by, 'Get out of here, _Neko Majiin!'_ Lucy flew into a calculated rage, and cut off a small portion of Momomi's hair. The two then stared at Lucy with incredulous looks plastered on their faces, followed by Lucy cutting a flower pot in half with one soft swipe of her invisible arms.

They promptly let Kouta go once Lucy threatened to behead both of them.

Kouta just stared blankly into space, drooling and wondering if his balls were still attached.

'Don't you think we'll forget this, you _Neko _wannabe!' Momomi said, fingering the part when her hair was sheared off, 'We'll get you back _someday.'_

The evil duo then hurriedly and clumsily pushed their way out of the doors, leaving Kouta and Lucy inside the staff room by themselves.

'Oh Kouta...what have they done to you?'

Kouta winced and said in a hoarse voice, 'They...They _did _things _to me...'_

Lucy leaned in closer with a very concerned look on her face, '_What _things? I'll report this school even if it's the last thing I'll do.'

'They...' Kouta stared into space once again and scratched his numbed testicles.

Lucy muttered an obscenity under her breath and proceeded to use her vectors to carry Kouta out of the room.

'_Going _somewhere?'

Lucy jumped, causing her vectors to loosen and drop poor Kouta face first into the floor. Lucy quickly said an apology under her breath and turned to face Shizuma, who was standing at the other staff room entrance with her arms crossed.

'I swear, this school has some _pretty _demented methods of discipline, I'll _report _this to the police, I'll-

Shizuma gave an exasperated sigh and raised her hand in a dismissive gesture, ' This is only..._prevention._ Please try to understand that those two are mere _anomalies _in our school Unfortunately, their deterrent methods _do _work, and we have had the number of perverts peeping into this school cut down by 50 percent!'

Lucy glared at Shizuma, wringing her vectors together, 'That _still _doesn't give you the right to _torture _people! You've done something to his genitals! Now we probably can't-

Shizuma's eyes widened a little bit, 'You're _straight?'_

'What?'

'Never mind.'

Shizuma continued a long rant about perverts climbing into Astrea Hill's fancy windows to look at lesbian sex, but eventually being caught by a sentry and being 'interrogated' by the student council. She quickly said a formal, but quite insincere apology for Kouta's treatment, ( Lucy detected a hint of amusement in her voice when she said this.) Which Lucy accepted grudgingly and took Kouta back to her dorm to nurse the poor guy back to life.

Lucy took a wet towel and laid it on Kouta's head, adjusting the surprisingly ample and fluffy sheets over his thin body.

Nana was busy chatting away with Tsubomi about the joys of hair perms and the _power of pink,_ while Yaya was marvelling away and drooling at Lucy's collection of horror and gore movies.

'You _actually have _the whole, _uncensored _Guinea Pig series!?' Yaya squealed as she held up two black sleeved DVD's with pictures of mutilated monsters and women on them.

'_Yup,_ and I actually got them from...strange connections that I have.'

Yaya stared at the two DVD's eyes glazed over at the possibilities that Lucy's overflowing bag held.

'Guys, could you keep it down? Kouta's trying to rest here.' Lucy said over the din of chatting girls and Yaya's rummaging.

'Sorry, Lucy-chan!' Tamao said cheerfully as she signalled for the others to keep their voices to a minimum level.

'Say, guys...do you want to have...a _movie night _tonight, instead of a tea party?' Lucy suggested. She wanted to give her students good impressions of her.

Almost simultaneously, the other girls in the room piped up mixed responses of, 'Yes! Awesome! And fuck yeah!' (The last one presumably came from Yaya.)

Lucy grinned inwardly as she thought of the plethora of horror movies she brought from home The girls in Astrea Hill seemed the type to watch period romance movies once a month and have nice little tea parties, and Lucy, however nicely she wanted to put it, wanted to break their prissy little habits and give them something _rough._

Of course, Yaya would probably lap Evil Dead up, which was quite arguably, one of her _tamer _movies. Lucy had taken an immense liking to Yaya, since she shared the same macabre interests, they had even discussed how anatomically correct the _splatter _was in Dawn of the Dead!

'By the way, has _anybody _seen that...girl what's-her-name Kagome in the last few days? She hasn't been popping up as often.'

Yaya frowned, 'Come to think of it, she _didn't _pop up as many times as she used to...I wonder what she's up to?'

Tsubomi mumbled something about 'probably nothing good.' while she fiddled around with her Hello Kitty watch.

Lucy had always had a bad feeling about the creepy little girl, she just didn't seem..._normal, _even in the special education sense. There was something sinister about her she just couldn't put her finger on.

'_Oh, and you are one to talk. You probably have one hundred plus counts of thirty five to life sentences on your list...'_ A voice in her head bitterly intoned.

Lucy shook it off. Whenever she had spells like this, she _tended _to go into a trance and then reappear as the mentally retarded Nyuu.

'_Lucy..._What...just happened to me...' Kouta had apparently woken up. His eyes were still scattered from his ordeal, and the darting motions he made with his head reminded Lucy of an spastic ostrich.

Trying to keep herself from laughing, she walked over and sat down on the bed.

'How are you feeling? Think you need to stay here for a bit more? The girls have some tea going, and if you'd like-

Suddenly Kouta pranced out of the bed in a blur of motion and struggled to put his pants on, muttering hurried breathless words under his breath as he did so.

Quite mystified, Tamao cautiously approached him.

'Ummm...Kouta sama? Is something wrong?'

'WRONG!?' Kouta's eyes looked more dilated than ever as he looked about to foam from his mouth. 'My _balls _got shocked! I'm...I'm leaving this place of demons!'

Continuing to froth at his mouth and struggling to put on his jeans, Kouta looked at Lucy and immediately calmed down. Wiping the spit from his mouth, his dilated pupils stared at her wildly as he said shakily, 'Ummm...thanks for taking care of me...I'll...I'll SEE YOU AT THE END OF SCHOOL YEAR!! I LOVE YOU!!' Kouta lunged over and french kissed Lucy, giving her copious amounts of tongue as the girls of the opposite sexual persuasion looked on in fascinated horror.

Half bawling and half laughing, Kouta burst out of the door, leaving Lucy with a trail of spit on her chin and a very confused look on her face.

Through the window, she could see Kouta scrambling into his old puttering Mercedes and speeding off into the distance. To say that he was relieved to leave the school was quite an understatement.

Nana broke the awkward silence, 'Kouta san seems quite perky today, doesn't he?'

Lucy shook her head sadly, ' If only he was _normally _perky...I think he'll recover soon enough.'

'Ewwww...how was it like to be kissed by a _guy?'_ Yaya said with a tone of severe disgust.

After a lengthily conversation about the taste and technique of male kissing, ( and subsequent groans and murmurs of 'cooties' from Tsubomi.), the clock eventually struck curfew, which meant that the Evil Dead movie marathon was to start.

Handing each of the girls ear buds, they hunkered down with some tarts Tamao had brought from the bakery and watched the horror unfold.

Nobody had an appetite after watching Ash cut a headless zombie in half, ( Tsubomi even made retching sounds as this happened.) Tamao stared at the screen in a bug eyed trance, and Yaya drank it all up, grinning ear to ear whenever a gory scene showed up.

Nana was too busy fiddling around with her prosthetic arm to be paying attention to the movie, as she found that the attachments were growing a little bit loose. Losing an arm with a doll joint wasn't the best impression to give to a school full of timid aristocratic girls.

When the DVD player was shut off, and when the girls snuggled comfortably with each other in the feathery beds, all seemed peaceful and serene as a perpetually giggling Nana was being _touched _by Yaya and a (still) bug eyed Tamao was staring at the ceiling, expecting zombies to come popping out of the closet at any moment.

Looks were deceiving, as the _real _trouble was only beginning.

The window shattered, sending a spray of glass all over the sleeping girls.

'_What the fuck...'_ Yaya started to intone when her vision got blocked by a huge old fashioned leather case. Before she had time to react, she was struck in the forehead by the heavy object and rolled out of the bed quite comically, taking the bed sheets and Nana with her.

The case landed with a dull _thump _in the middle of the room.

Lucy stared wide-eyed at the case, unsure of what to do when Sister Hamasaka came a-callling.

Luckily for _them _though, Sister Hamasaka was busy patrolling another area of the dorms, saving her the disgrace of losing her teaching assistant job.

The break in the window wasn't too big either...Maybe Lucy could _order new window panes and glass?_ Her stomach clenched and grew cold as she thought of the prospect of her being forced to hand in a resignation paper.

Goggling at the old fashioned and frankly quaint looking case, Lucy cleared her throat quietly.

'_This..._is a problem...'

Tamao was still darting her eyes from place to place, looking for any zombies that came with the box. Tsubomi was still snoring soundly.

The case opened with a click, with Lucy half expecting a cloud of smoke to waft dramatically from the innards of the case.

A four foot tall _doll_ stumbled out, dressed in green Victorian era clothes, with body length brown hair and dichromatic eyes.

'Oh...my...God...' Yaya said in a choked voice.

Lucy rubbed her eyes and pinched herself once or twice, but it wasn't a dream.

'What...the..._fuck...is...Suiseiseki _doing here?' Lucy said, letting the words idly roll off her tongue as she blankly stared at the doll, who was dusting herself off and muttering something about the idiot Chibi human.

Suiseiseki looked at Lucy and swivelled her green and red eyes around the room, surveying the girls, and promptly asked sharply, 'Just _where _am I desu?'

'Aren't you...from that show..._Rozen Maiden?'_ Yaya asked carefully, trying not to let her extensive knowledge of the show seep through.

'_Why _are there so many humans here desu? Where's the chibi human desu...'

Suiseiseki finally grasped what was happening.

'I'm not in Jun's house anymore, aren't I desu?'

Lucy was on the verge of saying something, but couldn't spit it out. How could a character from a _television _show of all things, pop into their bedroom like this? It didn't make any sense.

Yaya was sputtering something about defying the laws of the fabric of reality itself while Suiseiseki glided around the room, saying reassuring comments to herself about how it was just a dream.

Tamao was _pretty _sure Suiseiseki was a zombie by this time, and her Evil Dead soiled mind suddenly snapped, causing her to give out a great shriek.


	4. Chapter 4

Strawberry Pandemonium Part 4

Author's Note: I'm finally going to tie this fic up, and I think it's going to end at about part eight or something. Beats me. I should warn you that this is an absurdist story along the lines of Alice in Wonderland, so don't come crying to me whining about character development and plot. Did you see the fucking sign? 'AVANTE GARDE ENVELOPE PUSHING IN PROGRESS HERE.' Now that you've seen the big hairy wooden sign, I'll mention that I've changed my writing style a little bit, but not so much that it's going to be blatantly noticeable.

Oh yes. On a more lighter note, enjoy and **REVIEW**. Flames are always welcome too, though I should warn you that trolling a troll is not the wisest idea.

Chapter 4: Teh Realm of Teh Intarwebs and the Tenth Dimension

The shriek awoke half of the Strawberry Dorms, and the girls in Lulim were quite convinced that it was the ghost of Kasumi- the girl who got turned into bio mechanical toilet and who screams her surgically altered lungs out, which are located somewhere inside the foot of the toilet.

Lucy smiled a little bit when she got reminded of the guro manga she left lying around in the hallways. It was amazing how one badly drawn underground gore comic could spawn such idiotic modifications to the (already) idiotic tales of a spectral girl wandering around the dorms.

Lucy's smile quickly faded as the door slammed open and revealed the mass of wrinkles known as Sister Hamasaka. The lemon chewing nun glared at the chaotic scene and chewed at her cheeks whilst wondering what to crow out in her withered voice.

Tamao was lying at the side of the bed with foam leaking out of her mouth, while Yaya, Nana, Tsubomi, and Hikari were huddled together in a strange looking foursome hug that brought to mind dirty thoughts in the sexually repressed nun's mind.

Sister Hamasaka stopped her nosebleed with a disguised sniff and crowed out, '_What _in God's name is the _meaning _of this!? And _YOU! _You're that shady new teacher that has been leaving those horrid little books of Babylon behind!'

Lucy felt her throat dry up into a husk of dead Indian corn, '_Why does this shit always happen to me....' _ She suddenly had the absurd picture of Kouta going insane in this situation, '_Well, at least I'm not him...'_

Sister Hamasaka raised her voice several octaves, 'I _said, _WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?'

The four huddled closer together. Yaya was reciting the Jay and Silent Bob Fuck rap under her breath as she took this opportunity to grope Hikari's perky little breasts.

Sister Hamasaka pursed her lips to stop the blood from flowing out. She took out a ruler and smacked it on her poufy nunnery robes, 'I will give you _ALL _a five week suspension from school and a _beating _in addition to a hundred hail Mary's if you don't tell me what's going on-

'It was all my fault.' Lucy blurted. The back of her mind emulated Tourette's guy, '_Shiiiiit.....'_

'_Really? _Do explain.' Sister Hamasaka smacked the ruler with ruthless rhythmic rhyme as her breaths became more and more shallow due to the pseudo four person orgy taking place in front of her.

'Well....It was my idea to stay up after curfew and watch a few movies....'

Lucy quickly patched this up, '_But, _it was for film studies class.'

'I have never heard of such a class.'

'Well, it's relatively....relatively new to the curriculum.....' Tourette's guy said, '_Shiiiiiit.....'_

'I will have to check with the school board then. You are going to be _sacked _if I find out that you are lying.' An evil grin crept on to the sister's face, 'What's more, I will bring charges against you for corruption of minors with your....your _guro _filth.'

Lucy suddenly remembered something she'd seen in the sister's office when she was looking for a stapler. Heavenly choruses of 'Hallelujah' rang through her head as she smirked the 'evil Lucy smirk that meant mass murder' smirk.

'Well, if you have _that, _what of the yuri porn I found in your desk?'

The sister looked like she swallowed a hagfish.

Doused with generous amounts of lemon of course.

'H-h-heresy!! You dare accuse me of such a deed!?'

'C'mon! Don't deny it. I _know _you have a thing for first year 12 year old girls, and I will report you if you make one peep about the shit that happened in this room.'

Yaya seemed to have inhaled some Lucy's strength floating around the room, 'Yeah, and what about those looks you were giving us just now? I can see some blood dripping from your nose.'

Tsubomi joined in, 'This all explains why you love hitting girls with those rulers so much....you're probably into _that _kind of stuff, aren't you? '

'Kinky kinky....' Lucy's voice wavered a little, but all the fear was gone for the moment, '_So _are you going to explain 'Lily Discipline volume 2' with that whip omake at the end, or will you comply?'

The hagfish thrashed to and fro in Sister Hamasaka's throat as she grimaced and growled, 'Alright, you little brats, you _win. _What can I do to _shut _you up?'

'For starters, you can overlook this.'

'_And?' _The ruler was now tapping at a rate of 300 bpm.

'_And _you can pay for the cost of this broken window and pretend you didn't see _anything.' _

'ANYTHING.' Tsubomi added in for good measure.

Tamao was muttering something about shaving cream.

'Alright, you little pests, you have yourselves a deal, but _mark my words, _I will _get _you someday.' Sister Hamasaka pursed her lips and wiped the trail of blood from her nose, 'I have...._connections, _and if you think you can blackmail me for long-

'SUISEISEKI WILL FUCK YOU UP DESU!!' The dimunitive doll was running rapid laps around the room, 'Thisisbadthisisbadthisisbad. How will I ever get home desu....'

'_Dolls can have panic attacks? I never saw her this distressed on the television show.'_ Lucy mused. Snapping quickly out of her trance, she flipped Hamasaka the bird and grinned, 'Remember....' Lucy made the 'I'm watching you sign' with two fingers and widened her grin to Grinch proportions.

'_Am I being a little too overconfident? This could be bad in the long run.' _

Sister Hamasaka gave a Barracuda's smile and swallowed down a long string of obscenities. No. Not now, not while she was still in service to the Lord. She would wait, and then when those little whelps were in her grasp, _Yeeeessss....._

'Goodnight then children. ' She said in a voice full of venom. She returned Lucy's 'I'm watching you' sign and slammed the door shut.

Suiseiseki was till running laps around the room, spouting little bits of green light every so often, causing little bean sprouts to pop out of the carpet.

'_It's like she's shitting beans.' _Lucy thought dreamily as she caught the doll mid lap and said in the husky voice that caused many a man at the laboratory to have a boner for the locked up diclonius, 'Shut....your plastic trap.'

The doll immediately stopped yammering and looked at Lucy with glazed eyes, 'Who...._are _you people? Where am I?'

'You're at the Strawberry Dorms, genius.' Yaya sniffed, 'And can you tell me _what _you are doing out of an anime?'

'What's an anime?'

Yaya slapped her forehead, 'I mean....animation? That realm where it's all lines and colours? Rozen Maiden? Created by lonely small dicked men in Japan with no sex lives? Hello?'

'I don't get it.'

'Of _course _she doesn't get it. ' Lucy said in an exasperated tone, 'She's just been thrown out of her own dimension for Pete's sake. Let's just talk this over, and we can figure out a way to-

Several frantic knocks on the door interrupted the conversation again.

'I hope to God that's not Sister Hamasaka again....' Lucy growled as she looked through the peephole.

The distorted bulbous head of Himeko was bobbing to and fro with _something _clinging onto her skirts. She was screaming something incoherent while she smacked her manicured fists against the oaken door.

Lucy gave an exasperated sigh and let the ditzy blonde in.

Himeko stumbled a bit and then fell on her face. The thing that was holding onto her skirt was a particularly huge Mudkip.

'Hey....that's the one that was wandering around Shizuma's garden this morning.' Yaya murmured, 'I wonder what it's doing here?'

All Nana could manage after all this was a barely audible little '_eep' _that sounded more like a purring fart than an actual vocal squeak.

'I....AM THE COMING OF THE END.' A baritone voice rumbled.

'What....in the name of....' Tsubomi was going to put _all this _on her facebook. Yessiree.

The thundering baritone voice was coming out of the Mudkip.

Lucy slapped her forehead, 'Oh, _fuck me sideways! _When is this crap going to _end!?'_

The Mudkip thundered, 'SILENCE, DICLONIUS! NOONE ASKED FOR YOUR INPUT!'

'I'm sorry, but it's no- one.' Himeko said in a meek little voice. It seemed that she had sustained a nasty bruise on her forehead during her spill.

'NO, IT'S NOONE!! NOW SILENCE, BEFORE I SMITE YOU ALL!'

'With what? Your _Hydro Pump?_ Yaya sneered, but not without realizing shortly afterwards that she had indeed revealed the full extent of her nerdiness. Tsubomi snickered at the revelation.

Yaya's face turned red as she muttered, ' I only play it once in a while....'

The Mudkip's face literally turned a shade of turquoise as it bawled, 'YOU HUMANS!!!! EEEEEEE!!!! IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WISH, I WILL FLOOD THIS FACILITY IN SEWAGE WATER FROM MY ASS!!!'

Nana gave another one of her farting 'eeps.'

Everybody stayed silent as the giant three foot tall Mudkip surveyed the room, 'Good. Now I can talk in my normal voice.' It was quite amazing the resemblance his normal voice bore to Elvis in his prime. It even carried some of the Southern Drawl.

'The rift of time and space has been disrupted, and I, the supreme deity of the intarwebs, have been sent to correct this error.'

'That _explains _it all.' Lucy said while rolling her eyes, 'Tell me, Mudkip, how did this....this _character _from an anime end up in our dorm? Do _you _have something to do with this?'

The Mudkip looked at Lucy with a strangely baleful look, 'Unfortunately, you must realize the fact that you are _all _anime. You consist of a different combination of subatomic particles than three dimensional humans, so-

'Whoah! Hold your horses there buddy, are you meaning to tell us that we're...._cartoons? _Then _why _can we move in three dimensional space?'

The Mudkip gave an effigy of a shrug, 'I guess the humans in the real world would ask you the same thing.'

Nana gave a very noticeable swoon.

Tsubomi joined in after Yaya's lead once again, 'This is _preposterous! _I can see that I'm flesh and blood right now! Do I _look _like an amalgation of ink to _you?'_

'Maybe not to yourselves, because you're so used to it, but take a look in the mirror, look into my eyes, and _tell _me that your eyes are not oversized.'

Yaya peered into the mirror and noticed two ruby red orbs three times the size of a normal woman's stare back at her.

'Hey....you're right....' Yaya brushed her finger over the fringes of her hair, 'Hey, _wait _ a second here. You aren't playing magic tricks here, are you? My eyes weren't like this _before!'_

Tsubomi noticed her own oh-so kawaii green eyes peering back at her and clutched Yaya's uniform, 'Yaya chan....I'm scared....'

The Mudkip sighed dejectedly, '_Look, _it's just that you haven't noticed it before, idiots. Now that I've told you, do you see the deformed look of those orbs you call eyes?'

Lucy felt a sick chill go up her spine, 'Wait....so what you're saying is....we're the creations of other people?'

'You are created by an individual known as Lynn Okamoto, to be exact.' The Mudkip said as-a-matter-of-factly, 'I feel that it is my duty to inform you that countless lemons have been written about you. You should check out Hamalee's stuff sometime. It's quite titillating.'

Lucy collapsed onto the bed, 'This....this is _too _much.' Metaphysical complications ran around her mind like mad hamsters. Would she still even _exist _if her creator would to die? Were her actions at that very moment dictated by the stroke of a fine liner pen?

'This....is _ridiculous!'_ Lucy suddenly burst out, 'How could you expect us to believe you!? For all I know, you could be putting hallucinations into Yaya and Tsubomi's head!'

The Mudkip farted a cloud of green smoke out of its ass the same time Nana gave another one of her farting peeps, ' 'scuse me back there.' His voice dropped several octaves as he said this, 'It's really not in my nature to let out gas like this....' His tone levelled as he stared Lucy in the eyes, 'If I'm _really _lying to you, can you explain _why _a fictional character in your world suddenly came to life like this? I'm simply here to tell you _why.'_

Tamao suddenly woke up and screamed, 'NO! NAGISA CHAN DOES NOT HAVE DICK!!!'

Everybody in the room stared at the sweating blue haired girl. Tamao took one look at her surroundings, paused for a moment to process the information, and then promptly fainted again. Nana suddenly _spoke. _Lucy thought incredulous thoughts about the entire school turning straight.

'Mr. Mudkip san? Is it possible....is it possible that I can convince Lynn Okamoto sama to give me back my limbs?'

The Mudkip twitched it's mouth in annoyance, 'Of _course _not, you little strumpet. Doing so would mean travelling into another branch of another universe _entirely. _ Anime bodies are not quite compatible with actual three dimensional air, you know.'

Nana withered into a pink lump and gave a pathetic sob. Hikari stroked poor Nana's hair.

'Anyways, the _reason _dimensional holes are opening up everywhere is because of a little girl called Kagome's experiments with the supernatural.'

'And _you _as an internet deity is supposed to help us how?' Lucy ripped at the bed sheets with inch long finger nails. She would have to cut them soon. She could have sworn they were turning rather yellow....

'I come from the demi-universe composed of sub atomic particles cooked up by human minds when they created silly internet memes.' The Mudkip said casually, 'That is not the _point _though. That little brat in your school is actually the founder of the MLO- the Misanthropic Luciferian Order.'

'Are you talking about that retarded organization Jon Nodveidt started up?' Yaya said with somewhat of a flourish. She like showing off her extensive knowledge of metal.

'It could very well be.' The Mudkip said grimly, 'Anyways, she summoned Tiamat, the female dragon of chaos and destruction. She's in the middle of her period right now, and she's not feeling too perky about leaving space and time be.'

Lucy sputtered a little bit, ' Dragons have _periods?' _

'I assume you haven't heard of the furry fandom?'

'You've got a point there.' Lucy remembered the fantastical nature of her current situation and decided that nothing would particularly surprise her at that point.

'The dragon's only half summoned as we speak. We still have time before the entire space/time continuum in this universe crashes down around us! We must take action before-

'Not if _I _can help it.'

'What the-

The little area that counted as the Mudkip's neck imploded in a fan of bright green blood. When it stopped gushing, a grinning mouth of a wound smiled at the horrified company.

Standing behind the Mudkip was none other than a six foot tall version of Oshibaru.

'Well, It's finally good to be out of that little brat's under developed tits.' The bear said in a gross parody of Joe Pesci's voice. His New York accent grated and scraped with every syllable it spoke, 'You thought you could _stop _me? Fat chance. This disgusting little anime world is going to _hell! _I am disgusted at all the retarded stereotypes that plague this mentally underdeveloped genre!' Oshibaru waved an exaggerated version of a three foot machete around as he spoke, 'Oh, and I think you would be happy to know that I got rid of that _dog pest _and that blue haired bitch in your school. It was all too easy really....'

There was a marsupial-like pouch in the front of Oshibaru's stomach. Two head shaped lumps protruded from his bloated belly. Lucy took special note that Osibaru had a prominent rip along the sides of his armpits. The two head shaped lumps were oozing a dark coloured fluid that stained the light auburn colour of the evil bear's coat.

'You....you killed _Miyuki!'_ Yaya said in a choked voice, 'You unbelievable _bastard!!'_

Tsubomi gave a horrified squeak and buried her face in Yaya's shoulder.

Lucy whirled around, ignoring the ever increasing puddle of the Mudkip's blood, 'Just _tell us, _what the _fuck _do you want!?'

'Simple.' The bear fished out the head of Inu Yasha and Miyuki and tossed them at a hysterically screaming Yaya and Tsubomi, 'Aren't you _tired _of cat eared girls, tentacle rape, yuri, and bleeding nosed losers? Aren't you tired of all that _stigma _surrounding our universe? We have become ONE BIG JOKE!!' The bear punctuated each of his words by hacking the wall with his machete.

'I....don't think anime's a joke.' Lucy said in a small voice, 'In fact, I view it as a cultural phenomena that's integral to Japan's identity-

'Shut the fuck up and let me finish.' The bear's eyes glowed with a reddish fever, 'Aren't you _tired _of people making rule 34 of you? Aren't you abso-fucking-lutely _sick _of bloated fat ass fan boys that lock themselves in their basements making fan sites of you!?'

'To tell you the truth, if that were me, I would be kind of flattered' Yaya mumbled. An even smaller utterance of 'Ditto' came from Tsubomi.

The bear spun around and threw the Machete at Yaya, narrowly missing cutting off her ear by a hair.

Yaya emitted a bat squeak and gave Tsubomi the death squeeze.

'_Noone. I said _NOONE asked for your opinion.' The bear said in an ominous voice, 'If you bitches speak up _again, _I will throw you into the dimensional voice in the school's basement. _Trust _me, anime characters do _not _fare well in the three dimensional world.'

'But we _are _in the three dimensional world, desu!' Suiseiseki cut in, 'I am _so _confused, desu- where the _fuck _am I, desu?'

'ShutupshutupSHUTUP!!' The bear's voice escalated in timbre until it sounded like Joe Pesci after ingesting two helium ripe balloons. From out of nowhere, the giant stuffed horror produced yet another machete of legendary proportions and flung it at Suiseiseki.

'_Hammer physics.' _Lucy mused in amazement, '_It's MC Hammer time, and you all know it....'_

Suiseiseki's last words consisted of something insulting the 'Chibi Human' before the oversized blade buried itself in her plastic face with a hollow _thunk._ The doll swayed around drunkenly for a bit before collapsing in a heap next to the suitcase.

Everybody in the room stared open mouthed at the panting teddy bear. Lucy could have sworn at that very moment that Oshibaru possessed something akin to lungs.

'Oh....oh my God.....you killed Suiseiseki....you bastard......' Lucy murmured without even thinking. She liked that show South Park, but the quality of the animation was too shitty for her taste.

The bear produced yet another machete out of thin air and cried, 'Let us all self destruct! See what those filthy three dimensional beings can do without us!' With a cry that was not too far removed from Puppetmon getting castrated, he brought down the machete towards Lucy's head.

Lucy's vectors sprang into action, blocking the fatal attack and shattering the machete in the process.

'I wouldn't _do _that if I were you.' Lucy said, her killer instincts now in full drive, 'You have been a _very, very _bad teddy bear.....' She sent two of her vectors cutting through Oshibaru's head, but felt something weird happen to her vectors.....

It was at that moment that she realized her vectors had been cut off by some unknown force. Lucy felt a jolt of hideous pain resonate through her body as she shrieked her throat raw.

In that moment of dire necessity, Yaya decided to take advantage of her boyish nature and sprang into action, 'I'm going to _beat _the stuffing out of you, you overweight piece of _shit!'_ She did a flying jump kick reminiscent of so many Tsundere girls before her.

'_WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU!?' _The unhinged bear bawled. He swatted Yaya away like a botfly and sent her flying out the window.

'_YAYA CHAN!' _Tsubomi's eyes turned wild as she darted around the room in the fashion of a hamster on crack, 'Heeeeelp!! Someone pleeeease!!!'

Lucy was still screaming what was left of her voice out while a calmer part of her brain thought, '_So this is what being kicked in the balls feel like.'_

Oshibaru stepped on Lucy's head, '_Now _it's time to finish you off. Yet _another _anime sex icon bites the _dust.' _

The bears mouth did not move one inch as he intoned, 'By the way, I have a degree of control over the space/time continuum surrounding an inch long vicinity of myself. Your vectors are floating somewhere in limbo as we speak, so don't try anything funny, or your _head's _going to be the next thing floating in that cold, dark....dark....'

Lucy could have sworn she saw a blondish blur speed past Oshibaru's head.

The stuffed bear's head wobbled a little bit as if he was grooving to some bad Soulja Boy song, 'Strange....it feels....strange....'

His head abruptly hit the floor and left behind a fluffy wound that oozed some sort of blackish liquid.

Himeko stood next to the head with an unusually cold look in her eyes, '_He's _out of the picture. Now, we have to go see if Chikane chan's okay.'

Lucy gathered what was left of her voice, ignoring the throbbing pain that pulsed in a periodic rhythm in the stumps where the 'hands' of her vector used to be, 'You....you saved my life....thanks....'

Himeko's eyes suddenly lost the 'alter ego berserker look' and returned to her normal ditzy self. She said in a wobbly voice, '_Wha—what _did I _do?' _ She looked at the severed head of Oshibaru on the floor and gave a scared little yelp, 'Oh dear....it seems like my kamikaze self manifested again....'

Nana was still lying on the floor with a particularly glazed look in her eyes. Tsubomi was hiding under the bed, and Tamao was still issuing foam from her mouth.

'_What a mess....' _Lucy thought in a strangely analytical way, '_I guess vectors don't grow back, huh?'_

She moved around her maimed invisible limbs and felt an intense pain shoot through her horns, 'Urggh....' Lucy could have sworn she did a dead on impression of a caveman at that moment.

She staggered up, 'If what that bear says is true, we _have _to stop that ceremony from going through!'

Only Himeko caught the sentence, 'But...but what about Chikane chan and the others?'

Lucy slapped her forehead in spite of her pain, 'And _only you _listen....anyways, who's with us?'

Nana's eyeballs moved ever so slightly with speed on a snail on Nyquil, 'Nana's.....Nana's scared.....'

'I'm guessing....Nana's out of the question, right?' Lucy looked at the pathetic lump of pink on the floor and was strangely reminded of Eeyore in his prime.

Himeko's whole body jumped about a foot into the air as a loud crash sounded outside the hallway, 'What was _that!?'_ She took this opportunity to jump into Lucy's hands in a very Scooby Doo fashioned way, almost knocking Lucy off balance in the process.

Holding a surprisingly light Himeko, Lucy took a peek outside the hall and immediately regretted it.

Pedobear was stalking the hallways, with two naked first years being carried in each arm.

Lucy choked back some bile, 'I should have taken my medications today....' She blinked slowly, as if trying to shut out the absurd reality of an internet meme raping yuri obsessed pre teens in the middle of a school dorm.

She opened her eyes and found the bear right in front of her. Surprisingly enough, he was no more than four feet tall, yet possessed enough strength to carry two eighty to ninety pound girls.

Lucy flexed her two good vectors and lashed out at the retarded looking bear.

She immediately retracted her invisible limbs when she felt a searing sensation blocking her an inch from the devious bear's fur.

'_He's got the same barrier as Oshibaru. This isn't good....' _Himeko promptly jumped off Lucy's arms and hacked away at the bear, only to have her precious katana disappear instantly into limbo.

Giving out a surprised yell, Himeko stumbled backwards several steps, closed her eyes for a deadly counter attack, opened them, and found a pile of shredded fluff on the floor along with two naked girls crawling away in the most pathetic manner possible.

Chikaru stood behind the remains of Pedobear with two Uzi's.

'_What's with all these sneak attacks from behind? This is three already.....' _Lucy thought incredulously.

Chikaru's face was smeared with warpaint a la Arnold in Predator.

'Guys, come with _me _if you want to live.'

Lucy almost choked on a second serving of bile.

Himeko's eyes glazed over when she caught sight of the dark haired beauty. Chikane had competition.

'Where's Tamao?'

'She's....erm....passed out in the room behind us.' Lucy said in a phlegm caked voice, 'She's been through several fainting spells-

In a blur of streaming black hair and two flopping red ribbons, Chikaru sped past Lucy and skidded into the room where Tamao lay unconscious.

Chikaru carried out Tamao with no apparent effort at all, Lucy almost expected a wall of flames to accompany the stereotyped background of the hero carrying out his damsel.

'Let's go.' Chikaru said in a comically grave voice.

'Do you even _know _where the hell we're going?'

'Lucy, do _not _question my authority.'

'_I'm the teacher for fuck's sake. Why should I be listening to-_

'_No time for arguing.' _Inner Lucy intoned gently, '_We should be moving along now.' _

Chikaru turned around with Tamao still draped around her arms and marched along in an exaggerated gait of high steps and stomping feet.

Mayhem was all around the hapless travellers. Girls of all years and persuasions ran around in nightgowns and in the buff. Web memes from the outer dimensions chased after them.

Lucy thought about requesting a salary raise.

Remon and Kizuna greeted them at the end of the chaotic hallway with an assortment of firearms and blades. Remon carried two .45 automatics and a sheathed katana in her back while Kizuna lugged a rocket launcher and donned shurikens around her belt.

Lucy gaped in amazement at Chikaru, 'What _is _this!? Where did you get all those firearms?'

Chikaru's exaggerated grave drill instructor face suddenly melted away into a creepily bright smile, 'Oh, it's nothing really. A few discreet mail orders here and there does the trick. It's called the _firearm acquisition _club. You should join it sometime.'

Lucy had heard of Lulum's star engaging in some weird activities, but she never knew it was to _this _degree...

'Oh, and also, we have glue sniffing club.' Chikaru said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Lucy stared goggle eyed at Chikaru.

'Just kidding.'

_And so the journey continued into the bowels of the school to stop Kagome's evil plans. Will our heroines make it? Or will they be plunged into the hells of butthurt along with the rest of the Strawberry dorms? Find out in the next instalment of....STRAWBERRY PANDE-FUCKING-MONIUM!_

Note: Please review this. I really want to know how to improve my writing style, as these fanfics are basically practice pads to develop the style for my actual original novel.


	5. Chapter 5

STRAWBERRY PANDEMONIUM PART 5

Author's note( once again): I am going to be writing these dinky little notes every time I publish a story. The purpose is to communicate my intentions with the minority of the denizens that actually come here to read this. This note's main objective is to state that the majority of my stories are stream of consciousness writing. I have a lot of things to purge from my cluttered mind, and this is the only way I could do it without any actual effort on my part. With that being said, this is supposed to be a sort of avante-garde/strange humour story, and if you're looking for something along the line romantic fluff lines of Usefuloxymoron's stuff, I suggest you leave right now.

Now that that's out of the way, let's continue on with the story.

Chikaru and her troops marched out into the depths of the Miator dorms and found new horrors around every corner. The first years were the ones that were picked on the most by the inter dimensional beings that seeped through the cracks Kagome made. Out of concern for the limited number of bullets however, Chikaru and her two heavily armed henchmen kept their guns to themselves.

Strangely enough, most of the beings that manifested themselves in the dorm were faceless green men in business suits, systematically picking up little girls and throwing them against walls.

Lucy heard a crowd of voices in her head. Perhaps the green men had some kind of telepathic capacity.

'I don't get it, why aren't they attacking us?'

Chikaru said without turning around, ' They are a collective group known as Anonymous. They _will _attack us if they perceive us as a threat, but for now, they're doing their thing.' Chikaru pointed at a crouched Anonymous in the process of turning a first year girl into an exact replica of itself.

'Oh _dear Lord.' _ Lucy whispered in a horrified voice, 'Why don't we go and help them?'

'_Because, _we need to conserve our ammo for the main auditorium. That's the only way we'll be able to access the boiler room.'

Himeko fidgeted with her hair, 'Why don't we call the police? I mean....having some back up would be nice....

Chikaru scoffed, 'The cops can't do _anything. _Besides, we're stuck in a secluded private school at the top of a remote forest _mountain. _Do you really think they are going to find us? And to add on to that. Didn't you catch Oshibaru's little speech about cutting all the phone lines?'

A sickening squelch sounded from behind Chikaru. Another student was being turned behind her.

Lucy growled, 'And to think that I cannot stop them with my vectors. They have this sort of void surrounding themselves.'

'But if you catch them unaware, it will destroy them.' Chikaru stated, 'Which is _why _our best bet right now would be ignore these shenanigans in the hall and move along-

Tamao suddenly woke up in Chikaru's arms. She blinked once or twice like a newborn fawn and looked in her lover's eyes, 'Chikaru....chan....what's happening?'

'Just...._calm down, _There's a little bit of a problem here at the school, but it's nothing we can't solve-

Tamao gave another whistling tea pot shriek as an Anonymous peered over Chikaru's shoulder, 'LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!'

Without ever letting go of Tamao, Chikaru nimbly leapt out of the way while the Anonymous scratched it's bald green head and marched away in a chilling robotic fashion.

'What....are....those things?' Tamao sounded like a fat kid without his inhaler.

'That's the problem.' Chikaru mumbled, 'But, there's no time to explain. Just follow us, okay?'

Tamao choked down several protests and gulped spastically before complying with her girlfriend's orders, 'They....won't kill us, will they?'

Chikaru looked over her shoulder and saw an Anonymous wandering around aimlessly, 'I don't think they'll do much if you don't bother them. Just don't make any sudden movements and you'll be fine.'

All of a sudden, the PA announcer blared, crackled, and spat out in a distorted version of Kagome's voice, 'Attention Anonymous! There are a bunch of newfags in the vicinity- one of them is a pink haired neko wannabe, another is a dumb blonde, two little brats, a dark haired drama whore, and her blue haired dyke girlfriend. Assimilate them or destroy them, I don't care- just get _rid _of them!'

A chill went up Lucy's spine, 'This....is _really _bad. How did she know we were here?'

'Beats me, but....RUN!!!' Chikaru shrieked as went into a maniacal sprint with Tamao in hand. Closely following was an extremely irritated Lucy, Chikaru's two henchmen, and at the very back, poor Himeko who possessed no sprinting ability whatsoever.

To Chikaru's horror, the Anonymous suddenly stopped their molasses-like robotic gait and transformed it into a systemized and exaggerated version of army calisthenics knee lift running. Though it wasn't exactly efficient, they were quickly gaining on the helpless travellers.

To make things worse, they started to recite the rules of the internet in emotionless grating voices that were perfectly in sync with their immaculate foot steps.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yaya awoke with a thorn from the rosebush stuffed up her ass. To add to her misery, she had landed on none other then Kaname and Momomi- the latter having a face full of Yaya butt and the former having her face crushed by her three inch heels.

Yaya mumbled something amidst the torrent of complaints and obscenities being spewed by the terrible two.

'What the _hell!? _You could have had me paralyzed!' Momomi whined, 'What the fuck are you doing? Dropping down from such a height!?'

Kaname simply glared at the black haired girl and intoned, 'On that note, what the _fucking hell _is going on here? There's retarded creature lurking around every corner of the school- I even found this cat-like creature that calls itself moot stuck inside one of the toilets when me and Momomi were having our daily afternoon sex sessions in there-

Momomi's face turned puce, 'SHUT UP!!'

Yaya sniggered.

'Tell us what's going on, or we'll beat the living _shit _out of you and _then _rape you.' Kaname said in a voice that wasn't completely devoid of a touch of fear.

'Yeah. And then we'll rape you some more.' Momomi said in a self satisfied voice. Kaname glared at her with a 'you killed the joke' sort of look.

Yaya sighed, 'To tell you the truth, even _I _don't know what's going on around here, except that Kagome is the root of all this crap that' been happening to us.'

'Please elaborate.' Kaname absentmindedly scratched her manly buttocks.

'Well, she's doing these satanic rituals in the basement of the school, and she's ripped open these holes in the space/time continuum.....besides those facts, I don't know any more.'

Kaname scratched her chin, 'That girl _was _always kind of creepy- don't you agree Momomi?'

'Yeah. She's frequently mutter these strange tongues under her breath every time she had one of those lengthy conversations with her teddy bear. It sounded like Latin or something-

Momomi's ears suddenly perked up, 'Wait, hold up. Did you guys hear that ?'

Kaname listened intently, 'It's a water sprinkler. Who would turn that on at _this _time of the day?'

More water sprinklers turned on of their own accord, creating a cacophony of mild sounds of urination that amounted an almost numbing sound of static.

'Those aren't the usual amounts the sprinklers spew out....' Yaya pointed out, 'Oh....shit....'

There were several anonymous standing beside each of the sprinklers. The grass started to smoke as the water turned to acid.

'_Shitshitshit!!!' _Yaya squeaked, 'Let's get the hell out of here!'

The three stumbled out of the rosebush and ran towards the greenhouse.

Unfortunately, one of the Anonymous had taken off his clothes and was lying in a perfectly camouflaged naked pile with the grass. It grabbed Momomi's ankles and caused her to fall on her face.

'Momomi!!' Kaname gave a growl and stomped on the naked Anonymous, 'GET. OFF. HER. YOU. FREAK!!' Kaname heard a sickening crack and saw a second year girl under her foot rather than a naked unisex creature.

'_So when they die, they revert back to their previous states....how strange....' _Yaya looked at the several lumbering Anonymous and wondered what each of their original forms were like.

Kaname looked at the dead girl under her foot in shock while Momomi scrambled to her feet, 'We can't stay here any longer! Let's get going!!' After ten yards of sprinting, she was grabbed by _another _Anonymous lying naked on the ground.

'_They're like chameleons!' _Yaya thought incredulously. Under closer scrutiny, there perhaps hundreds of naked anonymous lying on the ground in wait of unsuspecting victims. The fact that it was night didn't really help either.

Momomi thrashed and screamed while the hand slipped and shuddered with uncontrolled spasms, leaving bits of greenish goo behind on her calves.

Yaya and Kaname both shrieked in unison and proceeded to stomp on the Anonymous' head.

After thirty or more vicious stomps, the green figure lay on the ground with a puddle in the place of it's head. Bits and pieces of skull decorated the grass.

The other Anonymous seemed to take notice of this offence and subsequently rose up from the grass with green erect penises that were at least 8 inches long.

The three girls huddled together back to back.

'If this all ends badly, I want you to know that we're sorry for everything.' Kaname said in an uncharacteristically hyper speed and high pitched voice.

Not knowing what to make of this rather clichéd statement in such a dire time, Yaya simply nodded, 'Tell that to _Hikari....' _She murmured in a deadpan voice.

Momomi shrieked, 'WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!'

'Or get raped.' Yaya said in a contrastingly dead and quiet voice.

Kaname shook her head violently, 'No, _No! _This is _not _how it's going to _end!_ I will _not _leave this world until I have engaged in S&M with Momomi!!'

Momomi's mouth moved around violently as she tried to voice something. She finally sputtered, 'Don't _tell her that!!'_

Yaya gave a stone cold chuckle, 'Well, this is where my black belt Tae Kwon Do training comes into play.'

Kaname goggled at her, 'You know _Tae Kwon Do!?'_

Yaya shrugged, 'What else can a tomboy do?'

'THEY'RE CLOSING IN ON US!!' Momomi bawled.

Yaya stood in her ready stance, 'Ready to kick some ass?'

Kaname was not beside her.

She was cowering behind an equally terrified Momomi all the while gibbering garbled versions of dinner table prayers she barely memorized in her first year. Yaya snarled, 'What the _fuck _do you think _you're _doing?'

The shuddering blue haired figure that was once the holy terror of the school was now reduced to a quaking and sobbing pile of Dere dere crying.

Yaya called upon all her Tsundere powers and launched her first flying kick at the head of the detestable green nude men.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

'Rule 34, if it exists, there is porn of it. Rule 35, if no porn found at the moment, it will be made.' Chanted the robotic voices of the marching green men. Sporadic concentrations of cartoonish grotesques paraded along with their green brethren. An anime girl with gigantic with cocks in place of the nipples shat out large logs of feces being eaten by a loli with a large 'W' plastered on her forehead.

The travellers reached the staircase spiralling down into the grand hall and found Chikane toting a grenade launcher at the bottom.

'Himeko! I'm coming to rescue you!' Taking large, graceful bounds up the stairs, Chikane flicked off the safety and blasted several volleys of grenades at the band of freaks behind the terrified group.

Lucy felt a blast of heat prickle the back of her neck as the shockwave knocked her onto Remon, who subsequently started a domino effect that eventually toppled a very surprised Chikaru. The hapless five toppled down the stairs in a flailing tangle of limbs. Chikane only had time to utter, 'Oh, _fuck me sideways-'_ before the human snowball added her to its collection.

Himeko, flew above the bouncing snowball as if to say, '_fuck you, I'm taking the express way.' _ Being the slowest runner in the group, she felt the full effects of the grenade's shockwaves and consequently flew in an almost straight trajectory towards the chandelier in the middle of the dining hall before changing her arc to a downwards swoop and landing on the groaning disbanded human snowball.

Slimy bits of green goo flew everywhere, along with bits of gristle and bone of the destroyed Anonymous. Unfortunately however, _one _inter dimensional being avoided being maimed and swung around the chandelier.

Pedobear stood tiptoe on the crystal structure and looked down at the tangle of Moe girls groaning and squirming in very suggestive ways. Although they were a little old for his taste, it was _still _going to be a pleasure to indulge in some teenage jailbait....but _wait. _

He noticed Lucy and calculated....that she was _legal. _

An adult was tainting his little angels with her fully developed body and her foul woman's smell. Oh, _she _was going to _pay _for this....

Lucy spat out a mouthful of Chikaru's hair as she struggled to disband herself from the pile. When she did so, a face full of brown fur met her face and knocked her down.

Pedobear kicked, scratched, and attempted to maim that deceptive moe-looking face with his uneven claws. Oh, she was going to _pay _for contaminating his stash, she was going to-

Lucy grabbed hold of the three foot freak and plucked the spastic thing off her face, 'What...the...._fuck?'_

It took a moment to register, but when it finally did, Lucy gave a shrill scream and dropped the sputtering bear. His cock was fully erect at a monstrous 8 inches.

'Oh, for _pete's sake!' _Lucy snarled as she fumbled around for Himeko's katana.

Remon and Kizuna crawled out of the pile and found hairy bear cock right in front of their faces. Pedobear giggled and garbled something incomprehensible and started to rub his member against Kizuna's bony butt as she attempted to crawl away.

Pedobear suddenly felt a cold clamp around his penis and found Chikaru to be the perpetrator, '_No _one touches Kizuna and Remon _except me!!'_

Tamao's mouth quirked in surprise, '_What was that supposed to mean?'_

Chikaru's eyes glowed red as her grip tightened and tightened, eventually causing Pedobear's penis to explode in a shower of bright red gore.

The castrated pedophile lurched back, clutching the half that was left. He pointed a shaking finger at Chikaru for a second or two before running into the darkness that was the math wing.

Wiping her bloody hands on her skirt, Chikaru turned to her two associates, 'Are you two okay?'

Kizuna nodded slowly while rubbing her buttocks.

Tamao stared open eyed at Chikaru, 'What was that....little _ditty _you just said?'

Chikaru gave a chortling laugh, 'I have past relationships too, right? These two used to be my 'friends with benefits', but we found out that....our tastes differ.'

Tamao nodded in agreement. Chikaru's tastes _did _err towards the kinky side a little.

The two second years' faces were beet red, 'Don't _tell _her that, Chikaru Sempai....' Remon muttered.

Chikane stood up abruptly from her prone position under Himeko, 'This is _no time _to discussing relationships. We should get moving as soon as possible. The dining hall is under siege, and Shizuma needs backup.'

'What are they fighting with?' Lucy murmured.

'The utensils and the butcher knives, but there's only so much you can do with those. _I've _packed this grenade launcher in case anything like this happened.'

Himeko cuddled close to Chikane, 'You're so prepared.'

'I know. That's what you get when you spend several _months _battling freaks piloting giant robots.'

'I'm not really sure what you guys are talking about.' Lucy frowned.

'Don't worry. We won't _expect _you to believe it anyways.'

Himeko looked at Lucy with glistening doe eyes, 'Don't mind Chikane- it's quite a crazy story anyways....'

Chikaru felt her temperature rise up as she witnessed the crumbling of her leadership, '_That bitch is stealing my thunder....this reminds me of the student council....' _She cleared her throat, but was interrupted by Chikane _once again, _as she spat out orders to the motley crew, 'Tamao! You're in charge of distracting the Anonymous, while Remon, Kizuna, and....erm....what's your name again?'

Lucy rolled her eyes, '_Lucy.'_

'Ok, and _Lucy _will retrieve the vats of boiling oil from the kitchen.'

Lucy felt the throbbing pain return to her invisible appendages. She rustled around the pockets of her skirt and was rather surprised to find a small bottle of Advil.

Popping two pills in her mouth as inconspicuously as possible, she took a huge gulp and felt two stony tablets take their sweet time down her gullet.

'_This is definitely not a good day....' _Lucy thought in dismay as Chikane barked out more and more orders. Himeko stared at her partner in awe and admiration.

Chikaru cleared her throat even more loudly, '_Ahem! _Don't forget about our _main _objective! We need to get into the boiler room to stop that little _brat _K


	6. Chapter 6

STRAWBERRY PANDEMONIUM PART 6

Author's note: Don't read this story if you are prudish or one of those stuck up literary types that jerk off to Shakespeare and worship Harold Bloom. You won't get that kind of stuff here. While I'm on the subject, although the rating _has _been changed to teen, this is strictly for TEENS and up. I trust that all of you (well, _most _of you anyways.) possess the maturity to handle profanity and sexual jokes. If you are a prepubescent little twinkie shit who hasn't even dropped his balls and still cringe at the 'F' (G-g-g-g-gasp) word, seriously, get the fuck out. If you are under prepubescent age, what in the flying fuck are you doing in and in STRAWBERRY PANIC of all places? Pfft. Anyways, here's the story, and don't forget to review! Flames _are _welcome, but be prepared for a venomous rebuttal. Also, please note that you will need a decent amount of knowledge about internet culture to properly 'get' this fanfic.

Yaya stood over a gaggle of felled anonymous. Some of them reverted back to adolescent schoolgirls, while some turned into stranger things such as mannequins.

'_That would explain the ones that don't move....' _Yaya clutched her knees and breathed heavily. The Anonymous were easy enough to beat up, it was all a matter of dodging their hands when they attempted to shove a '_Knife hand? I'm pretty sure that's what my Tae Kwon Do Teacher said....'_ into your chest in hopes of turning you into a faceless green freak.

Kaname was still clutching Momomi as if she were some kind of magical totem pole that could grant her immunity.

'No thanks to _you two.' _Snarled Yaya, 'By the way, I've _always _wanted to do this....' She stepped over to Kaname and cocked her fist.

'Wha-what the _fuck _are you doing? We apologized already!'

'Sorry, not enough. It doesn't make up for the time you tried to finger me in the janitor's closet.'

'Wait-'

Yaya's fist connected with Kaname's nose and snapped it inwards. A satisfying crack sounded.

'Arrrrggghh!!! You buh-buhloke by dose!' She writhed around on the ground, spurting blood out between her fingertips.

'You bitch-

Yaya shut up Momomi with a back kick to her face, making sure she had a clear imprint before she retracted her foot.

'I'll bubbing bet oo, oo bidth!'

'Sorry, what was that?' Yaya flipped Kaname off before marching with a self satisfied grin on her face, '_That'll teach those two....it will be a long, long time before they think of raping other students again....'_

In her self satisfied reverie, she bumped into something that was as tall as her thigh.

She looked down and saw Pedobear with a newly regenerated 8 inch dick.

'What....in....the....dickens....are you?' In her astonishment, she even forgot to utilize her potty mouth.

The bear made some kind of incomprehensible noise before sending Yaya a telepathic signal.

'_The name's Pedobear, little children is my game.'_

Yaya raised an eyebrow and shot back a thought, '_I'm not sure what you're talking about, but you're blocking my way.' _

'_Oh, I'm going to do much more than block your way, girlie, how old are you?' _

His member flopped up and down like a beached whale. Yaya sighed.

'_Why do all of you inter dimensional entities have huge wieners? It's kind of ridiculous, really....'_

Pedobear's stuffed mouth gave a little lopsided smirk, '_All the better to fuck underage girls like you with? Let's get on with this, I've had enough of waiting-_

Yaya sidestepped with three foot tall pervert and marched with heady deliberation towards the south entrance.

'_What!? You can't just walk away from me like that! I am PEDOBEAR! THE GREATES T MEME KNOWN TO MANKIND!!' _

Yaya turned around, '_You're an internet meme?'_

'_Sure I am. Don't you ever go online?'_

'_Yeah, I go online, but only to MSN and Facebook. What kind of loser gets these kinds of things you speak of?'_

'_IT'S INTERNET CULTURE!!'_

'_Whatever.'_

'_I'll....I'll make sure that Zalgo gets you when he's summoned. He is the bringer of the end!'_

Yaya coughed once or twice and spoke aloud, '_Look, _I have no time to play with an ugly stuffed bear with an oversized dick, so if you'll excuse me-

Pedobear reappeared in front of Yaya, '_It won't be quite as simple as that. As long as I'm in the proper range, You will never defeat me.'_

Yaya rolled up her grass stained sleeves, 'Alright then, get ready for an ass whupping then.'

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The dining room was in chaos. There were roughly a hundred Anonymous crammed into the room, clamouring for a piece of Shizuma as she sat on top of a chandelier. She was out of reach for the moment, but as stupid as the Anonymous were, it would not be long before they found a way to bring down Shizuma's perch.

Chikane fired a grenade into the crowd.

To her dismay, the grenade simply _disappeared _within a foot of impact.

Lucy frowned, 'I.....don't _get _it though....I thought it worked on the staircase....'

Shizuma yelled from her perch, 'THE CLOSER THEY ARE TO THE BOILER ROOM, THE MORE POWER THEY HAVE!!' The din of the Anonymous reciting the internet rules almost drowned out the message.

'BUT WHAT ABOUT OSHIBARU!? HE CUT OFF TWO OF-

Lucy decided that it was best not to reveal her Diclonius heritage, 'I MEAN, OSHIBARU WAS WAY FROM THE BOILER ROOM, AND HE HAD THE POWER-

'OSHIBARU!? That girl is insane....' Shizuma muttered the last bit to herself.

The crowd of Anonymous suddenly noticed the new presence in the room.

'_Took them long enough....' _Lucy thought in a daze.

Chikane gave a frightened yell and wasted all her grenades on the advancing Anonymous.

'Smooth move....' Lucy mumbled as she slowly backed away, 'C'mon, we can outrun them....Just get them to the staircase, and _then _you can slice them up, right, Himeko? Erm....Himeko?

Chikane was frantically shrieking Himeko's name and cursing Anonymous.

Lucy realized Himeko had been turned when she wasn't looking.

'_Oh crap....there goes number one on the death list....'_

An agonized scream pierced the air as Chikane chest was punctured by a slimy green hand. Her facial features flickered for a bit before melting into a faceless green. Her former red and white school uniform twisted and distorted itself before turning into a suit with a strangely satisfying sounding '_Schloop!'_

Lucy's stomach turned to ice.

'_This is the end. Not killed by Kakuzawa, not killed by the military, not even killed by Hamasaka, but killed by a bunch of faceless green men in fucking SUITS!!' _

Lucy's mind raced over the possibilities. There _was _the slight chance she could do one of those whizzing disco slides through the spaces between the Anonymous' legs, but who knew what their dimensional barriers would do to her?

Shizuma called from the chandelier, 'SORRY IT HAD TO END THIS WAY!! I WOULD HELP YOU IF I COULD, BUT I'M STUCK!!

Lucy muttered, 'Save yourself then....this is the end, I guess....' She braced herself and thought about what Kouta would be doing at home right at that moment.

'_He would probably be mulling around the computer typing up fan fiction or studying for his biology mid terms....'_ She smiled when she pictured Kouta's oversized glasses he got at a discount sale at Hakim Optical.

The jingle rang loudly in her head as Anonymous' hand reached into her.

Inexplicably however, nothing happened to her.

Lucy raised her eyebrows in surprise and muttered, 'What....the hell?'

The Anonymous in front of her suddenly developed a mouth that encompassed his entire face and screamed with the voice of a rusted trumpet.

The mouth opened wider and wider until with a sickening _crack, _the upper jaw drooped backwards like a Pez Dispenser. The skin turned from a bright green into a feeble gray as the Anonymous dropped to the floor.

'_My Diclonius genes. It's incompatible with Dicloniuses. Who would have thought?'_

The other Anonymous slowly backed away from Lucy, giving her a wide berth as she walked cautiously out of the room.

Shizuma squealed, 'You can't just _leave _me here! I'm fucking _stuck!'_

Lucy murmured, 'Isn't that what you said to me when I needed help?'

Shizuma's eyes rolled around wildly, 'Get me _down _from here! They'll get me, I _know _it!!'

'Cool your jets, Shizuma. You and I both know that the moment you step down from that chandelier, you're going to get turned. Besides, Chikaru and company are going into the boiler room as we speak. This is all going to be over before you know it.'

Lucy went into a slow jog towards nowhere in particular before turning back and asking, 'Pardon my asking, but where's the boiler room?'

'Why should I tell you?' Shizuma said in a blubbering voice, 'You won't even _help _me!'

Rolling her eyes in disgust, Lucy snarled, 'Stop your _whining! _I'm going to the boiler room to _stop _this fiasco! Just _tell _me where it is, granny!'

Shizuma's eyes suddenly glazed over like an old doll, 'Granny....granny....it's been a long time since I've been called that....'

Lucy huffed, 'Okay, I take that back! Where's the boiler room?'

'Granny.....granny....granny....it's been a _loooong _time....'

The Anonymous had as tense air about them. Most of them had their fists clenched in anger from not being able to turn the pink haired nuisance.

The frustrated Diclonius gave a frustrated barrage of obscenities before barging out of the room.

The Anonymous turned back to that ever-so-tempting prey dangling on the chandelier.

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The boiler room stank of sulphur, feces, and carried the slightly comforting smell of hot steam.

Chikaru cocked her Uzi's.

'Careful troops, I've got a _bad _feeling about this.'

Tamao cuddled close to her girlfriend, 'Chicky....I'm scared....'

A loud thump caused by the bubbling hot water in the boilers went _Ba Bump!_

Tamao jumped a little and hit her hips on the railing while still holding on to Chikaru. The action almost caused the two to fall off the catwalk railings.

'Just...._calm down_ Tamao. We're almost there. You don't need to worry....I'll protect you....'

Remon and Kizuna were sweating heavily from their respective loads.

The two oversized guns clicked and clacked against Remon's bullet belt as she swayed to and fro from heat exhaustion, 'It's...._boiling_....in here....' She breathed, 'Chikaru.....there's too many grenades in my backpack....'

Kizuna hoisted her rocket launcher slightly higher, 'C'mon, Remon. Remember the exercise club? It can't get much worse than _that.'_

Remon remembered Chikaru's 200 burpee program and immediately resumed her normal pace.

A high pitched giggle sounded through the rustic chamber.

Chikaru stopped dead in her tracks and signalled for her troops to crouch down.

Remon held her breath as she cocked her .45's. The only gun she had ever fired in her life was a .22 practice rifle in the Target Practice club.

'_This should be easy enough....these .45's are so much smaller than .22's, it should be easy....'_ Armed with this new false comfort, Remon pushed up her fogged glasses and waited.

Heavy steps of moon boots clattered methodically through the maze of railed catwalks, drawing nearer and nearer to the four.

Kizuna bit the bottom of her lip as she loaded a rocket into her M72 LAW.

Tamao was given an Uzi by Chikaru.

'Remember Tamao....don't shoot until I give the order....you know how to turn the safety off, right?'

Tamao hyperventilated like a dying hamster. Her trigger finger bounced back and forth spastically. Thankfully her safety was still on. She nodded ten times in two seconds.

Upon closer listening, the high pitched laugh belonged to a _man._ A man who had not yet transcended the gates of puberty.

'_The laugh of a basement dweller....' _Chikaru thought in dismay. She was in charge of Lulim's email filter, and she had seen her fair share of basement dwellers attempting to request lesbian sex videos from mostly herself and Shion.

'_I don't even like that blonde bitch....'_ Chikaru toyed with one of her ribbons and tried to hold back her shivering, '_How did it even get to this? I remember this morning I was still knitting anime faces into my blankets....'_

A corpulent shadow filled the reddish light cast by the bits of rust in the air and the mysteriously red coloured pot lights.

'_I'm going to kill the idiot who suggested that for aesthetics....' _Chikaru thought in a daze, '_On that note, This boiler room should be renovated....'_

The pallid face of a Caucasian man in his mid twenties peered out from obscurity. He was wearing a red and blue striped shirt barely holding in his immense girth. He wore tight pissed soaked jeans and wore a yellow retooled medallion of Sonic the Hedgehog's head.

He smiled and revealed a two rows of yellowed teeth. Chikaru could have sworn she saw a piece of vegetation growing from his overly red gums.

'Hello, my name is Chris Chan, and finding my one true love is my game.'

Chikaru cleared her throat, 'Erm....can you kindly step out of the way? We're in the middle of something important here.'

Chris Chan took several steps closer, 'All of you are....so sweet and beautiful looking. Would any of you like to be my sweetheart?'

Chikaru aimed her Uzi at the man made of fail.

'I'm _warning _you! Take one step closer, and you're _mincemeat.'_ Her hand shook.

Chris Chan's face darkened, 'Do you have a boyfriend?'

'What?'

'I _said....' _Chris Chan slid forwards in slow and shuffling steps, '_Do _you have a boyfriend?'

Chikaru's face changed from incredulous to angry to incredulous and reverted to simply being amazed, 'I-I'm _gay._ My girlfriend's Tamao over here.'

Chris Chan slid closer, 'So....I _see...._I'm handsome, don't you like me?'

'Y-y-y.....' Chikaru shook her Uzi, 'DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!!'

The corpulent man child looked at Remon and Kizuna, 'So I'm guessing you two are homosexuals too?'

Kizuna pushed up her glasses and said in a shaking voice, 'If you have _any _idea where you are, you would know that 99 percent of this school is _gay!'_

Chris Chan's eyes glowed feverishly, 'It's...._bad _to be gay....it's....unnatural.'

Tamao prepared to turn off the safety.

The hulking man child continued, 'God says it's....bad. Don't do that or else you'll get the pricklie wicklies.'

'What are you _talking _about? God says to be accepting of everyone!' Tamao squeaked. Her hand shook violently.

Kizuna was the first one to notice the bulge in Chris' pocket.

'Look out! He's got something in there!'

A wide foolish grin spread over his pasty cheeks, 'We-ell, I guess you found out my little _present.' _Before he could fish out a jet black gun with a nozzle shaped like a dildo, Kizuna opened fire.

The small but deadly M72 LAW sighed with a dejected hushing sound before farting out a pointed anti-tank projectile.

Chris Chan only had time to spout out, 'Darn you all!' before the rocket took away most of his upper body. Shreds and chunks of striped shirt and flesh flew in an upwards arc before raining down in a spectacular shower gore upon the girls.

Chikaru burped and almost had a torrent of vomit force its way through her throat, '_This is like one of those badly drawn third rate guro mangas.'_

Kizuna's knees shook and her mouth quivered, 'I-I _killed _him.'

'No shit, Sherlock.' Chikaru muttered as she tried to turn the smoking goblets of viscera plastered on her shoulders into mere pink bubble gum.

Tamao suddenly gave a shriek, '_Look! _Something's happening!'

Remon pushed her glasses up and made sure it wasn't the fog that was responsible for what was taking place in front of her.

The remaining lower half of Chris Chan's body had been miraculously left standing after his encounter with the missile, and the broken bloody candy cane that was the remnants of his spinal cord started to shake violently, squelching and squealing as bits of a brownish substance started to rise from the cauterized top of his lower body.

Tamao pinched her nose, 'It smells like _shit!'_

'That's because it _is _shit.' Chikaru breathed, 'I can't believe he's _regenerating,_ and with _feces _of all things.' She held her nose, 'Guys, open fire.'

Tamao clumsily switched off the safety of her gun after several fumbles. Remon blasted away with her .45's and was immediately knocked flying by the immense recoil. The bullets missed, ricocheted, and almost took off Chikaru's head, mangling one of her ribbons instead.

'Remon! What the fuck!?' Chikaru screamed absentmindedly as she barely held out against the staccato recoil of her Uzi.

Tamao's bullets sprayed everywhere. Most of the bullets entered the ceiling pipes, causing hot steam to burst through the wounds. The girls were forced to duck for a small period of time as Tamao screamed, wailed and caterwauled in a crazy square dance with her spazzing Uzi. It was either Lady Luck deciding to give Tamao a break or simply her clumsiness, but Tamao tripped over Remon's leg and fired a full three rounds into Chris Chan's cha-cha-ing crotch.

The feces that spiralled upwards trying to form itself into a passable shape of an upper body gave an angry congealed roar and sped up it's recovery.

The bleeding hole that was put in the middle of Chris Chan's jeans oozed and spurted out crimson tides of blood and dick. It was almost like watching someone piss blood, except there was nothing for Chris Chan to piss with in this case.

'He's distracted!' Let's get out of here!' Chikaru screamed.

In their excitement, Chikaru's two henchmen dropped their backpacks and skirted around the feces covered internet celebrity. Tamao, in a last act of desperation, threw her uzi at the twirling spiral of shit trying to form into a body and successfully planted a hole through the quivering mountain, causing a massive and messy collapse of bodily waste in all directions. It stank like a sewer to high heaven.

'C'mon!' Chikaru yelled. Her other ribbon fell off.

Tamao covered her nose and ran around the festering pile of doo doo that was attempting to crawl back onto the foundation that was the cauterized lower half of Chris' body. Tamao felt something wet and warm cling onto her ankles and found out in utter dismay that it was a hand shaped mound of crud composed of blackened constipation styled poop and a touch of dripping diarrhea.

She gave a loud and lengthy shriek, 'CHICKY!! HELP!! HE'S GOT ME!!!'

Chikaru spun around, bumped into the catwalk railing and almost fell off. Her eyes widened in horror as she witnessed her girlfriend attempt to pull away from the fecal based monster.

The mound of brown goodness formed another section, turning into a crap shaped effigy of Chris Chan's head, 'I have my sweetheart _now._ Don't worry. She'll turn away from her evil gay ways with _me.'_

Chikaru gave a furious growl and abandoned all but a miniscule sliver of rationality as she leapt towards the crap shaped arm, '_Let....go...of HER!!'_ She screamed as she pulled on the steaming stinky arm.

Chris Chan's face laughed in a strangely chocolately voice, 'She's my sweetie, you can't do nothing about it! Come to think about it, you'd make a good sweetheart too!' Another shit arm, this time thicker and dripping with more diarrhea wrapped itself around Chikaru's waist.

'You'll never get away with this!' Chikaru shrieked, '_How the scat play fans will love this.'_ A strange inner voice intoned. She flailed like a dying fish for several moments before realizing that in doing so she would be simply covered in more shit.

A small shadow appeared behind a petrified Remon and Kizuna.

'_Well, _it seems that you have reached farther than I'd expected.' The familiar voice of Kagome lilted.

'Kagome!' Spat Chikaru. The thick length of shit around her waist was edging ever so close to her mouth, 'You little traitor, why are you _doing _this!? I didn't even know you were capable of wiping your own ass without that stupid little bear-

Chikaru tried valiantly to tilt her head away from the brown snake but only succeeded in straining her neck.

Kagome's eyes however, were non-existent. She had either dug them out manually with her sharp little fingernails or with a spoon. All that was left were two gaping bloody holes that showed a little bit of her brains and some webby looking things that looked like dried up membranes. She had been exposing her two eyeholes to open air for two long.

Chikaru's voice faltered as she felt her throat go completely dry, 'Kagome chan....what....happened to you? Where are your.....eyes?'

Kagome laughed and put up her hands, 'Can't you _see? _Where we're going, we don't _need _eyes.'

'What are you _talking _about!?'Tamao struggled a little more against the Rodin-esque hands that bound her to Chris Chan, 'You need to go a hospital _right now! _Why would you _do _this to yourself!?'

Kagome gave another chilling laugh, 'You see, _this _is the seventh mystery of Astrea Hill. There's a gateway to _hell _in the boiler room!' She threw back her head and cackled dryly, 'I found out the hard way when I wandered down here with Oshibaru, and met the demon Belphegor. He told me the _truth _about anime, and I saw....I SAW!!!' Kagome suddenly shrieked, 'I saw that our mere existence is a facade caused by the manipulation of the super strings in the tenth dimension by those....those _wretched _HUMANS!!'

'What are you _talking _about?' Remon asked in a small voice, ' _We _are human....'

Kagome gave another maniacal giggle and said in a voice tinged with venom, 'What I have seen can only be _shown,_ and if I showed you, you would _dig out _your own eyes _too!!' _The little girl twitched a little bit before cocking her head sideways in a rather animalistic way.

Chikaru was slightly disturbed by what Kagome was spouting. She had always wondered why her pupils were so ridiculously red and big, 'Wait....so you're saying our entire existence is a fabrication?'

'Damn right!' The Kagome thing threw back her head and cackled, 'The only way to find out for yourselves is to cross over into the _other _dimension, which is precisely what I'm trying to do here!'

Chikaru struggled against the fecal restraints and inhaled some of the lumpy brown substance in the process, '_It tastes like nothing. I was expecting it taste a little more pungent....'_ Chikaru thought as-a-matter-of-factly. She gagged and feebly continued her struggle.

'It's no use now, Chikaru sempai.' Kagome murmured in a voice dripping with malevolence, 'Soon, you will be consumed by shit, and your friends here will get to see what _I _have seen!'

Remon gave a snarl and opened fire with the remaining bullets in her chamber. Unfortunately, the kickback was so immense that it caused the weighty firearm to hit herself in the forehead, causing her to cross her eyes and pass out.

One of the bullets _happened _to hit Kagome, but the cackling little thing opened her palm and revealed that she had caught the bullet.

Clean out of firearms, the three girls watched helplessly as their leader Chikaru was consumed by Chris Chan, while Kagome laughed in an almost supersonic screech and started to chant satanic hokey pokey.

The boiler room rumbled and shook like the belly of a dying beast. A shining portal opened up at the central boiler, a black hole that emanated a blast of Antarctic wind.

`Now, who`s going to walk in first?' Kagome smiled, 'You know, this black hole's not going to stay stable for long. It will inevitably swallow up this world, so you might as well just give up.'

Remon hugged Kizuna and confessed in a shaky voice, ' If it's going to end like this, I want you to know that I've always had a crush on you.'

Kizuna reciprocated the sentiment in a blubbering mess of tears, snot, and barely audible vowels. Tamao simply froze and gazed into the void. Her stomach was a pit of ice from the loss of Chikaru.

'I'll go first.' Tamao said in a deadpan voice.

'Don't do it, Tamao chan!' Shrieked Remon. Lying through her teeth she screamed, 'You _know _Chikaru's alive! Kagome's bluffing!'

'Actually, I'm not.' the eyeless thing intoned in a robotic voice. She hissed through her teeth, 'I _haven't _got all day, you know. Step into the void and _feel my _pain!'

A single tear rolled down Tamao's cheek as she whispered, 'I'm coming to meet you, Chikaru.'

'NOOOOO!!!! DON'T FUCKING DO IT!!!' Shrieked both of the cowering girls.

Unfortunately, the plotline advanced according to the laws of reality and saw Tamao walk into the void. Her figure distorted into a whorl of black, blue, white, and some skin tones before disappearing forever into God knows where.

Remon gave a pained cry, 'You _bitch!! _You fucking _bitch!_'

'Alright, who's next?'

A whiny voice suddenly cut into the drama, 'When are you going to grant me my sweetheart!?' Chris Chan had apparently morphed back into his human form, 'She's a DYKE! CHINA! And she doesn't fill my stomach all that well. When are you going to find me a boyfriend-free-girl and-

If she actually had globules of eyes, she would have shot him a venomous look, but apparently two empty sockets did the trick of shutting the corpulent loser up.

'Now, where were we? I calculate about ten minutes until the stabilizers collapse.'

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Yaya Nanto panted and puffed. She hadn't expected the bear to be such a tough fighter, but she won out nevertheless. Thanks to an old lawn mower she stumbled upon in the tool shed while in the throes of battle. She wiped some sweat off of her brow and gave a huge groan.

The remnants of the pedophile were scattered in gory ribbons around the manicured grass. She had expected stuffings to come out of him, but apparently he was a biological being.

Yaya sat down on the ground and ignored the moaning and rather pronounced b's from Kaname's broken nose. She murmured, '_Shut up.'_ To the terrible two before wandering off into the tool shed to find some other treasures. However, her luck took a turn for the worse when she spotted _another _legion of anonymous stampeding her way.

'_Fuck. _Me. Sideways.' She snarled as she made for the toolshed. She could have sworn she spotted a chainsaw in there somewhere......

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucy found her way into the boiler room, only to find a smiling girl with bloody eye sockets and a corpulent man standing in front of a wormhole.

'Oh no.....' Lucy felt her knees weaken, ' I'm too late....'

'Damn _right _you are.' Kagome cackled, '_Five more _minutes until this planet implodes. You've seen that new Star Trek movie, right?'

'No. That doesn't come out until next month.' Lucy said in a numb voice.

'_Shut up! _I SAW IT ON THE ONLY DEVICE DOT COM!!' Kagome yapped in a hoarse voice.

'_She's completely insane....she's batshit insane....there's no reasoning with her....' _Lucy realized with an all too familiar sinking feeling in her gut.

Kagome gave her best impression of the Wicked Witch of the West, 'I have you _now, _my pretty! Step inside the hole and feel my pain-

Lucy made use of her self-taught gymnastics and did a distance front flip right into the Kagome thing.

All she felt was a tangle of limbs, a dismayed wail, and the nasally voice of, 'We had a promise!' before feeling being encased in ice and losing consciousness.


	7. Chapter 7

STRAWBERRY PANDEMONIUM PART 7

Disclaimer: You know the drill. This is intended to be a action/adventure parody. There is obscene language scattered throughout, and I assume that teenagers these days are so desensitized that they used the F-bomb on a daily and regular basis. Flaming is allowed, yadda yadda yadda. Just go on and read the fucking story. (Yay! My first F-bomb of the day!) Also, I am just sticking Sakurako Kimino (the creator of Strawberry Panic) in Tokyo. Don't give me crap about where she actually lives.

Lucy found herself sprawled on top of someone and engaged in a rather awkward mouth to mouth with a certain blue hair girl. She gave a yelp of surprise and rolled off Tamao, finding herself lying on a cooking pavement. The world had a strange, three dimensional feel to it, unlike the lovely pastel landscapes she found herself and Kouta walking through last summer. She caught hold of a leaf that blew her way and examined it with curious eyes. So much...._detail._ It was almost as if she could _see _the plant cells on the young maple leaf.

A loud cacophony of honks interrupted her reverie.

She was in the middle of the highway, and several cars had stopped for her.

Unfortunately, that wasn't so for the evil Kagome. She was lying mangled beyond recognition in the ditch, while the truck driver sputtered and yammered about how she simply appeared out of _nowhere._

The police had not yet arrived.

Lucy shook Tamao awake and hissed, 'Let's get a _move on _before the police get here!'

Tamao said something with a mouthful of cotton, but got up nevertheless.

'Yup. That's it. C'mon.' Lucy draped Tamao's arms over her shoulder and hobbled into the small road of dirt that allowed for hitchhikers to roam on most highways.

The cars stopped honking as several police cars arrived.

'_Shit._' Lucy muttered, 'Can't you get a _move on _Tamao!? The police are here! Oh....fuck it.' She dove into the long grass that led into several acres of farmland along with her charge, caused both of them to suffer hideous bruises despite the concealing grass.

It seemed that none of the drivers cared to point out their location,_ or _they were dense enough to overlook Lucy's temporary hiding place, as Lucy and Tamao hobbled several kilometres into boring acres of corn and strawberries. They finally stopped when they found a sign garishly inscribed with, 'Whittamore's Farm and Store.' There were pictures of smiling scarecrows abound and several signs that pointed to, 'the cornstalk maze.' And the 'petting zoo.'

Lucy frowned and rubbed her eyes a little. Everything seemed so...._clear._ It was as if someone had decided to put her world into high definition and add unnecessary details all around.

Instead of the water colour shaded rock in her world, the few boulders that lay here and there were incredibly etched with detail, and _so many dots_ and little things that would drive a person insane if he were to analyze it! Tamao was similarly checking out their surroundings.

She managed to croak out, 'What....just....happened?'

Lucy muttered, 'I don't know. It seems like we've entered the world of high definition TV....'

Tamao looked at her hands and screamed, 'They're.....they're....so _detailed!! _What's happening to me!?'

Lucy groggily looked at her own hands and saw in the place of simple shades, lines and pale tones a hand that contained these strange whorls and lines on the palms and some barely visible.

'_Skin pores.' _Lucy thought as a wave of nausea permeated her entire being, '_Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.....'_

Several kids that were headed for the strawberry picking and tractor ride stopped at the sound of their caterwauling and looked at them with inquisitive eyes.

Lucy choked back a gasp of amazement when she saw the sandy blonde hair of the little boy. There so many strands.....tens of _thousands _of strands....and they were all different.....

Lucy felt her own hair and sighed in relief when it felt the exact same.

That's when her grogginess wore off and when Tamao's changed face hit her like a sledgehammer.

In place of her pure blue hair, There were only streaks of the royal blue on top of chestnut hair. Tamao's face was so...._realistic _like the rest of the strange world around her. In the place of large glistening eyes were two doe eyed lookers coloured a light blue. Her nose had turned from a dot into a gracefully curving and dainty nose, and her mouth had become a similarly fragile little bud on top of a....

Lucy croaked inside her head, 'a high definition porcelain doll face.....' For lack of a better description.

From Tamao's point of view, Lucy's hair had turned from a florescent pink into a shade of auburn hair. Her face had turned into a rather foxy looking....three dimensional _thing,_ and her lips had turned from a normal abbreviated line with suggestions of a lower lip into a full pouting rosebud.

Lucy heard a couple of high definition pre teen boys discussing their 'hotness' and her resemblance to some person called 'Megan Fox' and Tamao's resemblance to an entity known as 'Magibon.'

Lucy snapped out of her trance yet again and felt her head for any trace of those hated horns.

Their presence was sorely confirmed when she felt two calcified and rather rough feeling lumps on top of her head. Lucy's stomach did another acrobatic move as Tamao murmured, 'So _this _is the real world....'

'What are you _talking _about!?'Lucy frantically pulled out strands of her own slightly red hair, 'What happened to....your _blueness _and my _pinkness!?_ What the _fuck is going on here!?'_

A couple of parents turned and glared at Lucy.

She lowered her voice, 'Tamao....what _is _this real world?'

'Kagome said something about another dimension, and I think this is it....' Tamao explained to Lucy the entire rather disturbing theory about them being creations of beings from another dimension.

The horned girl looked around, 'It looks like you're right....this certainly is nothing like our world....'

Tamao suddenly hugged Lucy with a clamp-like embrace, 'I'm so SCARED!!' She peeped, 'How're we going to get back to _our _world!?'

Lucy murmured, 'I don't know....I _really _don't know....'

As luck would have it however, a fat anime nerd of about twenty or nineteen happened to cross our heroines' paths. He was visiting the farm for no other reason other than to buy the oh-so-good apple pie they sold in abundance at the market. He caught sight of Lucy and Tamao and proceeded to stare at them with wanting eyes.

Tamao and Lucy did not seem to realize that their clothing was extremely out of place, and was usually classified in the eyes of an anime nerd as 'cosplaying.'

The nerd waddled up to them and said in a wavery voice, 'I can't help but notice your _great _cosplay costumes! Let me guess, let me guess....' It seemed like he didn't need to guess blindly for long as a sickening gleam crept into his eyes, '_You,' _ He pointed at Tamao, 'Are Tamao from Strawberry Panic, and....you.....' He seemed to drool a little bit with this declaration, 'You are _Lucy _from Elfen Lied....boy, I haven't seen cosplayers as hot as you in my life.....'

Lucy cleared her throat, 'Erm....what's cosplaying?'

The nerd stopped his drooling, 'What are you _talking _about? You're dressed in these clothes and you don't even know what _cosplaying is!?' _He sputtered the last few words and launched some spittle at Tamao, who promptly gave a frightened squeal.

'Ah! Playing into character, aren't you?' The nerd said with an air of making a grand scientific discovery, 'That's fine with me....if you don't mind, I would like to know your names....maybe we can contact on facebook or twitter or something like that....'

'But....We _are _Lucy and Tamao.' Lucy said in a confused voice, ' Her last name's Suzumi, and I don't _have _ a last name..... wait....'

She remembered the little bit about them being fictional characters bottled up in an animated world.

Everything clicked into place.

She decided that it was best that they played onto this Otaku's beliefs. Perhaps he had some mode of transportation that they could use if they were to get on good terms with him.....

The nerd said something about his name being David and how his parents weren't at home for the weekend. Lucy decided that it would be wise to hitch a ride with the fat greaser.

'Excuse me....' Lucy interrupted the nerd's hyperactive mode of speaking, 'If it's not too much to ask, could we hitch a ride in your car?'

The nerd looked like he was about to explode from happiness. He stuttered and tripped over his words before saying, 'Sh-sure! I can take you girls anywhere! Where do you w-want to go!?'

Tamao said, 'Well....can we stay over at your place until we figure out just what's happening?'

The nerd looked like someone struck him over the head with a fire extinguisher. A literal five seconds passed before he said in a low voice, 'Y-y-y-y-ou whuh-whuh-would do that?'

'If it's not too much trouble.' Lucy said, 'We don't have any money on us, and....we're currently out of a place to stay right now.'

The nerd's brain swarmed with thoughts of chivalry, getting laid, and the possibility of becoming one of those down-on-his-luck heroes he saw so often in harem anime, 'It's all good!' He spouted in an uneven voice, 'Hell, you can s-stay for the whole _week _if you'd like!'

At this point in time, Lucy's head was starting to clear up. She did the math- They were fictional characters that were probably drooled upon by losers of this type in this strange three dimensional world, so she could use that to her advantage.....

Her brain cleared up further and suggested the use of her vectors to _prove _that they were the real deal.

But, given the nervous and mostly likely unstable mental condition of their chauffeur to be, she realized that they would have to establish some kind of understanding before she could 'pop the statement'.

The nerd was yammering on about his personal history and the amount of anime figurines he own in his bedroom. He was saying something about gundams when Tamao said in a small voice, 'Would you happen to know....who _created us?'_ The anime nerd laughed in his unstable manner, 'Oh, We've got _plenty _of time when we get home to talk about anime!'

He was blubbering to himself some phrases about the current situation being a dream and how he would be so pissed if it_ was _ a dream when he led them to a battered old Chevy, 'Well, there's my steed. Ladies first.' He said in a sickening and rather condescending voice.

Lucy only had time to wonder whether this was such a wise idea or not before she found herself and Tamao strapped to the backseat of car that stank of stale burgers and leftover. take-oust long forgotten in the annals of the seat bottoms. The nerd squeezed his fat bottom inside and turned on his favourite CD- the new TM Revolution release. It wasn't exactly bad music, but Lucy soon found herself succumbing to a massive headache and an exhausted ragdoll of a Tamao resting her head on her shoulders.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The nerd's room was surprisingly clean, considering the condition of his car. Lucy looked over his shelves upon shelves of figurines and estimated that the perfected sculpted little beauties must have been worth over a hundred thousand dollars in total. Lucy felt like slapping the nerd for leeching off of his parents but thought better of it when she spotted several katana swords hanging on the wall. Who knew? If they offended him, he might just yank those little sharpies off the wall, decapitate Tamao, and lead to Lucy stepping in with her vectors, leading up to a repetition of the bloody events in her sordid life. Lucy took her eyes off of the swords and spotted a pile of sketches and a myriad of drawing books and media.

'I take it you like to draw?' Lucy asked in the most offhanded tone she could muster.

The nerd chirped, 'Yup! In fact, I'm thinking of getting my manga published. It's a hentai, but I think when exhibited to the right company, I might make it _big!'_

'Erm....' Lucy took a closer look at the drawings and gasped a little when the lurid content popped out at her. Surprisingly enough, she felt a strange kinship with the drawings.

'Tell me, erm....' Lucy expected him to drop his name, but apparently he was so socially inept that he failed to catch this little lead-on, 'I mean, tell me your name.....'

The nerd jumped a little when she asked for his name. _No _one out of his own family even bothered to care about his name, 'It's....it's David. ' He stuttered a few stunted syllables after this, 'Well, make yourselves at home. I'll prepare some snacks in the kitchen.'

Lucy saw with some degree of amusement that his face had turned a rather amusing shade of puce.

He waddled out of the doorway and bumped his shin on the way out.

'Quite a queer fellow, isn't he?' Lucy mused. She sat down on his Sailor Moon bed, 'This is getting stranger and stranger every passing moment.' She rubbed her forehead, '_This _is giving me quite a headache. Too much to swallow in one day.....'

Tamao didn't sit down, 'Chikaru....I lost my Chikaru....what am I going to do now?' She slumped down by the corner and started to cry. At this point, her sobs sounded more like exhausted heaving breaths. Little to no tears streamed down her face.

Lucy was about as adept at comforting a lonely and frightened girl as a neurosurgeon doing his work with a pneumatic drill, 'It's....okay....we'll find a way.' She looked at the window as to avoid Tamao's wandering gaze, 'Who knows, all this stuff about dimensions....perhaps we can change something in the space time continuum and reverse the events or something like that....'

'BUT SHE'S DEAD!!' Tamao shrieked with a disturbing assuredness, 'I saw being eaten alive with my own eyes....it's no good. We're going to _die _in this high definition world, and possibly be raped by that freak downstairs....

'Don't _say _that!' Lucy said in a hushed voice, 'He might _hear _you!'

'Who _cares!?'_ Tamao was throwing a fit now. She banged her fist against the shelf and caused a Love Hina doll to fall on her head, 'First I lost Nagisa, and now I lose Chikaru!!It's n-not fair!!_'_ Her voice cracked as she held onto a plush Jigglypuff.

Lucy was out of ideas.

She flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to count the number of dots.

A cheery and reedy voice rang through the door, 'Tea time!'

David came in carrying a tray of Doritos and tea.

Lucy's stomach growled. She hadn't had anything to eat since the beginning of the ordeal, and that was what, eight hours ago?

She hungrily reached for the Doritos and started to graze on them. The food in this world was not too far removed from the stuff in her world, but....it had _so much more....._

Her mind strained as she tried to search for the right word, 'Texture?'

Yes, _texture. _ She always thought the food in her world was quite flat tasting.

'_Much like the constituents of your own being.' _ A dark voice in her voice intoned, '_Remember, you don't even exist without the help of an artist. How pathetic is that?'_

As she gobbled up ten of the immense chips in one gulp, she turned to the (still) rather bemused David, 'Tell me, can you tell me _who _created the character....erm....Lucy?'

'Shouldn't you already know? Lynn Okamoto of course.' He said with a certain measure of pride.

'Oh....' Lucy decided to ask about Tamao's origins too, 'And who created...._Tamao?'_

'That's easy! The one who created Strawberry Panic was Sakurako Kimino. Again, why would you want to know this? Aren't you guys the ones who are cosplaying?'

Lucy decided to 'pop the statement'. There was really no more time to be dawdling around, 'I think you'll find this hard to believe, but we're actually the real deal.'

'What are you _talking _about?' David scoffed, 'Everybody _knows _that those are works of fiction. You aren't trying to _mock _me, are you? We nerds may be gullible, but we're definitely not _that _stupid.'

Lucy sighed, 'You know how the character Lucy has vectors, right?'

'Right, and she can make things move with invisible arms.'

'Watch this.'

Lucy picked up a chip with one of her vectors.

The nerd's face blanched. A moment of deadly silence fell upon the room for a second or two before he rasped, 'It....it _can't _be true...This _can't be even possible....'_ He backed up several steps, 'B-b-b-but....How is this even physically _possible!? _You two are works of _fiction! _You don't EXIST!! You _shouldn't _exist! This is not right...not right....no....you must have ESP or something. Yeah, that's it. You're just a couple of weirdos with that weird psychic thingie going on. I-I'

Lucy poked his chest several times with her vectors, '_Look, _buddy, thanks for your hospitality and all, but we _really _need some help here. Just listen to what I have to say, okay?'

She told the befuddled man their whole story and tried very hard not to laugh at the expression on his face after she was finished.

'So....this is....oh God....' David clenched and unclenched his fists. He gave a yell as the scalding liquid burned his throat, 'So....what do you want me to do?'

'Simple. We want to go and meet this Lynn Okamoto and Sakurako Kimino. Perhaps we can work out something with them to change some stuff in the tenth dimension or something.'

'But you _know _what this implies, right?' David said in a wavery voice, ' Think about what this might do to the balance of dimensions. This is going to destroy space and time if we do this wrong....let me think about this a little first before I go through with this...'

Lucy's vectors grabbed him by the collar and shook him, 'We don't _have _much time! My world is already torn apart! Think about it- didn't you always want to be the main character? The hero in the story? Well, here's your chance! Just _do _something about it!'

'Please.....' Tamao grasped his hand with genuine emotion, 'I lost Chikaru, and I don't think I can't live without her. Please, without your help we can't get through this....

David swallowed hard and munched on one more Dorito, 'This is going to take a _huge _chunk out of my bank account though....' He opened up his laptop and started up windows, 'I'm going to buy you two some plane tickets, and give you two some addresses, but after that....' He paused. He debated with himself whether or not he _wanted _to come out of his shell and have the grand adventure of his dreams _or _staying in his comfortable life undisturbed.

Lucy pleaded, 'It will be _so _much better if you came along with us. We don't know _anything _about this world, and we need a guide....'

David's throat went dry as his adventurous side won over, 'Okay then.' He croaked, 'It's going to be a long trip though....about twenty four hours- not including the stops.'

Tamao and Lucy both lunged forward and hugged him with unfeigned gratitude, 'Oh, _thank you! _You're the _best! _Thank you _so much....'_

David was so caught up in the gravity in the situation that he didn't realize that he had made bodily contact with two attractive females at once. It took some time, but his face eventually turned puce.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The three were separated on the plane. Tamao sat next to a dozing Arab businessman, Lucy sat next to a rather annoying child, and David was placed between two elderly citizens.

During the course of the flight, Lucy had ample amounts of time to gaze at the passing clouds and marvel at their similarity to freestyle soapstone carvings. The food was of sub-microwave quality and tasted of stale and reheated leftovers. The five year old kid threw up on Lucy in midflight.

The mother apologized profusely as she wiped the multi-coloured slime off of Lucy's well worn skirt.

'_I'm starting to smell a little ripe.' _Lucy thought grimly. Her armpits were starting to accumulate large amounts of sweat. What she would do for an anti-persperant.....

Tamao found a mutual symbiotic relationship with her seatmate. He slept for the majority of the flight, leaning on the windows, while Tamao leaned on _his _shoulder and fell into a deep sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo was an symphony of garish lights, blaring music, street vendors, strange people in costumes, and screeching voices. It was nowhere _near _the Tokyo Tamao knew. She had been with her family on vacation to the place dozens of times, and none of those times accounted for this full-on assault to the senses. Lucy found herself stumbling more than once due to the strobe-like nature of the flashing lights.

The trio of foreigners attracted more than a few glances, and when Lucy and Tamao started conversing in perfect Japanese, the over-the-shoulder looks turned into full on whispering and gossip.

'Lucy....this is _really _not what I expected....' Tamao whimpered.

'Don't worry. If the otaku don't perceive you as a threat, they won't come near you...'

As if right on cue, Lucy instantly noticed that she was the object of some serious staring from malnourished hikkamori standing on the other side of the street. She rolled her eyes and shuffled along with David, who was busily muttering complaints to himself pertaining to 'how he got himself into this.'

After trudging through the seizure inducing streets for more than an hour and David asking directions in broken Japanese he picked up from anime, they finally made it to a small-ish apartment that withstood the test of time starting from the 1960's. The bricks were crumbling, and dull graffiti marked the place, almost screaming for a good, old fashioned demolition.

'Are you _sure _this is going to work?' Tamao whispered, 'I mean, what if this causes some kind of dimensional rift _again?'_

'I'm sure we have to try.' Lucy said in a defeated voice, ' If _this _doesn't work, then we have to go over to _my _creator's place, which is on the other side of the city......'

They rang the buzzer for the eleventh floor.

A croaky and rather sickly sounding female voice answered, '_Who _is this?'

'Just....erm....' Tamao was stuck. She never thought they'd get this far, 'Erm....we're just some....er....fans.....that want to check out your place....'

Lucy slapped her forehead in exasperation, 'Now she'll _never _let us in!' She hissed.

The voice croaked, 'Oh, more female stalker fans? I'm telling you, I'm not lesbian, and I don't have any interest in marriage proposals from any more of you freaky otakus. _Nor _will I make an alternate series depicting Tamao and Nagisa together.

Tamao's eyes glazed over, 'But....suppose you _could....'_

Lucy shoved the bleary eyed girl out of the way and said, 'It's quite important. It will just take you about ten minutes. We're not freaky stalkers or anything.'

'_Really?'_ The voice sounded weary now, ' That's what _everybody _says. Look, I have a new manga that has a deadline in two weeks. I'm working my _ass _off here to ensure that I get my measly manga-ka's pay cheque! Now FUCK OFF!!' With a rude sounding blip of static, the transmission ended.

Lucy muttered, '_Fuck _me sideways.' She looked at David and Tamao, shrugged, and broke down the gate with a brush of her vectors.

'C'mon, what are we waiting for? Let's move it!' Lucy bounded up the crumbly looking stairs and slammed her head into a bent and broken mailbox that conveniently cut off anybody over five foot five.

Clutching her bleeding head and spouting off a stream of unspeakable obscenities, she stomped up the stairs in a huff. Tamao and David followed when Lucy reached the third floor.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'So let me get this straight.' Sakurako leaned back in her chair and twitched her tiny nose like an annoyed rabbit, '_You're _saying that you need _me,_ your _supposed _creator, to write a whole _other _manga and change the course of time and space in _your _dimension? Do you think I'm a _retard _or something?' Her trembling hands reached for a box of Pocky. Lucy almost burst out laughing, but bit the insides of her cheeks. She tasted blood and listened to the manga-ka's rage, 'Now, if you'll _excuse _me, I have some _work _to do, and don't you fucking insult my intelligence anymore than you've already done!' She waved her hand in a dismissive and rather foppish gesture, 'Begone with you!'

Lucy sighed, 'Okay, you want some proof, right?'

'No, I want you to get the fuck out.'

'You know the series Elfen Lied?'

'That....bloody and pseudo emotional piece about a pink haired girl with invisible tentacles? Sure. That _idiot _is my market competitor- I find it highly infuriating that _his _stuff is _sooooo_ popular, while my stuff is limited to the lesbian and loser male otaku community!!' She slammed her fist down on her drafting table, causing several Staedler fine point pens to bounce off.

'Erm....sure.' Lucy said, 'But....about those invisible tentacles....well, look at this.'

Sakurako rolled her eyes and muttered, 'Oh, by Goku's hairy testicles, WHAT!?'

Lucy picked up the pens with her vectors and set them gently on the drafting table.

Sakurako's reaction mirrored David's except amplified by a hundred times. She hopped on her chair and hugged herself ala L from Deathnote, 'You....you can't buh-be fucking _serious!'_ She stuttered, 'Th-th-th-this is IMPOSSIBLE!!' She hopped down from her chair and cowered under the table, 'This....this defies all laws of reality....so does this mean....does this mean...I actually broke my own character's heart in another dimension!? This is fucking _insane! _This _must _be a dream....yes. This _must _be a dream.' She stabbed herself with one of her Copic markers and wailed in despair when she didn't snap out of it.

Hyperventilating with the voracious energy of a jackrabbit, she reached for her inhaler and swallowed five times the amount her doctor prescribed.

Finally calming down, she let the puzzle pieces click together in her mind and started on the path to proper cognition, 'Okay....' She took several Pockies and stuck them in her mouth, 'So you have psychic powers, so _what?_ I bet you can't slice something-

Lucy cut the quivering author's toaster in half.

Sakurako's face blanched, 'Okay, so you _weren't _kidding. So _what? _ What would you have me do? It seems like everything that's been happening to you is the work of some demented fan fiction author. What can _I _do to change it?'

Tamao said in a small voice, 'For starters, you can make Nagisa fall in love with me....'

Lucy elbowed her, 'That's _besides _the point.' She hissed.

'Whoops, I meant....for starters, you can draw a brand new comic, entitled with....erm....whatever title is relevant to our situation.....who knows? It might be able to change our dimension for the better.'

The bewildered Manga-Ka leaned back in her chair, 'I don't know about that.' Her eyes darted around the room. Lucy noticed a bottle of Prozac sitting on the shelf. Bipolar Disorder and manic depression. It figured.

'_Takes one to know one....'_ Lucy thought sombrely as she remembered her daily eighty-plus mil of Prozac she forgot to take for what? Two days straight?

'What do you _mean, _you don't know about that?' Lucy said in a voice that was slightly harsher than she intended.

'I _mean, _why don't you just go on the internet, hack into fan and change the html? It _should _work better than me toiling another two weeks _just _to find out that your far-fetched plan doesn't work at all.'

'There's...._fanfiction_.....about _us?'_ Tamao whimpered, 'I....don't really want to see them....'

'And I don't blame you.' Sakurako had apparently calmed down and resumed eating her Pocky, 'There's _a lot _of lemons pertaining to you and _whooooole _bunch of other pairings that I myself would never imagine.' She swivelled a full three sixty with her chair in a pointless display of childish strangeness and said, 'Well, what are we waiting for? Let's log onto the computer and see what we've _got!'_

Several minutes of extremely awkward silence fell over the dusty smelling room as Sakurako's desktop started up.

Tamao broke the awkward silence with an even more awkward question, 'Why did you pair Nagisa up with Shizuma? You _know _I loved her. Or rather.....you _made _me love her.'

Sakuraro muttered something about a Twilight Zone episode and said, 'Well....erm....you _know _the archetypal best friend never gets what he or she wants....they erm....just want the _best _for the main character. You know....' Sakurako searched for the right words, 'Well, I don't think there's any delicate way of putting it, so I'll just say it outright.' The default chime of Windows XP starting up rang, 'Characters like you are _made _to be shitted on. You exist simply to be the 'comforting voice' and....basically to wipe the main character's ass. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. Ever read Cardcaptor Sakura?'

Tamao shook her head.

'Well....you get the point, being such a big reader yourself....' Sakurako muttered something else about making Tamao less melodramatic in her next draft and clicked on the internet.

A few minutes followed with Sakurako demonstrating her novice hacking skills- mostly consisting of her using the Cobra template to screw with fanfiction. Apparently it was something she did 'on her time off'

Tamao learned that her creator derived a sort of demented pleasure from hacking facebook pages and posting porn- something she thought the creator of such a stately and well-mannered story such as Strawberry Panic would never do.

'Ooookay....' She filtered though the story settings and found 'Strawberry Pandemonium' under the author 'cartoonpsycho888999, 'Well, this guy seems like quite the strange sociopath. Let's start editing stuff, shall we?' And as she typed into the blank slate, _' Kagome was a nice, albeit strange little girl that was afraid of the boiler room and would never venture into the dark and dank place even if a gun were pointed to her head.'_

Lucy waited for a tear in space and time to happen, but to her utter disappointment, nothing-

Lucy waited for a tear in space and time to happen, but to her utter disappointment, nothing-

Nothing-

Nothing-nothing-

Nothing-

Wuehfwieuhf874hg4h9he98vh98ergwn9gnrhne8987erhnc9ewhv98ern7cgh98enwyghv9e87rnhcg98e7nhc98g7ehnw98chgv9nefnhcg987hen7w8vhenf8h87wehf8nc7vhn8w7ehfc897nheb98vhf987nhbe8r7hgn98rhewn89gchnr8ehvnw8hefc87hwe8nghc8f79edhwcg98b7rehbw98cgbhwr98gnec98rnhf98rehnfw89hencw8hrnfhcen8rhfcnw8e98fcn98rehng98vfhr4b8ghb89wh48vgb7rhe98bwcfher8wn98vfechrw98cfehw8vcerh8whc3n87fhn87w3hc8f7n3hnr8fch87w3hb89g7vhcnf8wn3hfbv9hc3w98fcn49874h3wb8vfb98w3hbfc98wh43b89fwvb4398bhfc8743bhw8vf87w3b6nc893w987chnf9834wh89vfbh348hfc8h3bwhv8fyb43whfch4vh3bcf843hwb89vf43bchwfbv48w3bhcf4hbv4b8fb9cw8vbf80001001010101000100010110101000111111010100011010000110010110101111110101010000101100010101011110010100011010100110..............................................

To be continued......


End file.
